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Verbal Abuse Worse Than Physical Abuse?

April 16, 2015

Resilience alters the outcome of childhood trauma and abuse in a positive way. This is important because the level of abuse (physical, sexual, and verbal) is over 30%. Recent research has also demonstrated that verbal abuse often has the worst long-term negative impact. This seems counter to what we feel the greatest revulsion to, but when evaluated for the day-to-day life-long effect, this outcome begins to make more sense.

Verbal Abuse

Verbal (psychological) abuse tends to create repetitive negative thoughts. Depending on your age, imagine a record, CD, or MP3 playing over and over again, undermining your ability to believe in yourself or even like yourself.

“Psychological abuse of a child is a pattern of intentional verbal or behavioral actions or lack of actions that convey to a child the message that he or she is worthless, flawed, unloved, unwanted, endangered, or only of value to meet someone else’s needs.”

For the most part, Americans tolerate far higher levels of psychological abuse than are healthy. We welcome television shows into our home where abusive behaviors are modeled and often considered humorous. Just because such behaviors are common does not make them healthy. Our paradigm about healthy behavior needs to shift and education is the key. Many of the parents are merely repeating the behavior they witnessed as children or are emulating what they’ve seen on television with no awareness of the long-term consequences to children they love and want the best for. It is lack of knowledge, not lack of goodness, that leads to most psychological abuse. We remain silent when we witness parents demeaning their children in public. We do not have acceptable social interventions to help educate others about the potential long term consequences of their behavior.

I will probably always remember a young Mother in the grocery store telling her toddler how stupid he was for putting a can of food she had sat next to him in the cart into his mouth. There are times when I will say something but other times, such as that one, I felt any effort to educate her would be met with repudiations and possibly resentment for my interference. I was tired that day but what will be the long term consequences to that child of his Mother not knowing the damage she was doing by labeling her son stupid? Humans live up to the expectations others put upon us (Pygmalion effect (PDF)).
The damage is made worse by our tendency to teach our children to hide their feelings, to “keep a stiff upper lip” or “be strong.” There is nothing wrong with being strong but everyone needs a time and place where they feel they can safely release pent-up frustration, emotional hurt and anger or it becomes an infected wound that will eventually cause greater problems.

If the following behaviors are commonly tolerated in your home, consider modifying the behavior.

  • Frequent yelling or screamingVerbal Abuse
  • Using “the silent treatment” on family or friends to show displeasure or disappointment
  • Negative comparisons to others
  • Treating one another as if the person does not have significant value or worth
  • Destroying treasured possessions or memories
  • Mind games designed to make the victim question his or her sanity
  • Misplaced blame (i.e. blaming a child for a parent’s problems)
  • Sabotaging a child’s plans (such as withdrawing permission for a desired activity or making plans that interfere with the activity without a good reason and/or to deliberately interfere with the child’s ability to enjoy the activity.
  • Showing favoritism is a form of discrimination and can have life long consequences to self-worth to the disfavored child and neuroticism for the favored child.
  • Inappropriate conversations with children about other family members that create distrust, emotional pain, etc.
  • Compulsive lying and denial of promises madeVerbal Abuse
  • Deliberately painting the child in a negative light to others
  • Teaching the child to perceive the world in ways that will interfere with success (i.e. encouraging racism)
  • Encouraging socially or legally unacceptable behaviors (i.e. violence, bullying, alcohol and drug use, theft, lying)
  • Rage and ridicule of the child or of other members of the household
  • Isolating the child from appropriate social interactions
  • Too much or too little control over the child for age and development level (leaving the child alone for long periods of time or sitting with an older teen for hours every night supervising homework completion
  • Repeated and frequent sarcasm
  • Setting unrealistic expectations and then demeaning the child for not meeting the unattainable expectations

In time our society will recognize the undesired consequences of these abusive behaviors. All mentally healthy parents want the best for their children. Those with less than optimal mental health also usually want the best for their children but do not understand how to provide the nurturing environment. It is not that parents with the most emotional and mental damage do not want the best for their children so much as it is their own needs are far from met so meeting those of a child is beyond their ability unless and until their needs are addressed.

Many of our television shows demonstrate psychologically abusive behavior as if it is normal behavior. Well, it may be normal in our day and age but at some point in the future it will be widely recognized for the dysfunctional behavior it is.

You and your family will benefit from recognizing it sooner rather than later.

If you recognize some of these behaviors as your own but believe you cannot stop, please seek help. Professional help can work wonders when the individual is motivated to change. If you’re more inclined to seek improvement through learning, one of our classes will provide the information you need to know so that you can change ingrained behavioral and thought patterns. Behavior is largely the result of habit. When you understand how to successfully change the habits, you can change anything about yourself that you wish to change.Verbal Abuse

You don’t have to live with that negative voice in your head. It is not who you are. You are worthy of more, of a better life than you can enjoy with that repetitive negativity robbing you of your joy.

Children know at a very young age when the words hurt. When a child this young is covering his ears in response to the words being spoken it is a sign that the way the child is interpreting the words is damaging his self-esteem.

Healthy self-esteem is critical if the child is to fulfill his potential in life. It is much easier to sustain healthy self-esteem than it is to build it back up after it has suffered damage.

You want the best for your family. If behavioral patterns in your home do not support the best outcomes, take action. You are not stuck. Improvement is possible–but not if you continue doing as you’ve always done. Changing the outcome begins by changing behavior.

Contact us today to see how we can help.

Abuse, Abuse, Abuse, Abuse (Verbal (Psychological), Blogs, Bullying Prevention, Expectation (Pygmalion Effect), Mental/Emotional Health, Negative Self-Talk, Parenting, Prevention, Relationships, Science, Self-Esteem (Self-Worth), Suicide Prevention, Victims

Private Schools and Suicide

April 15, 2015

Private Schools and Suicide

The findings about whether private schools provide some protection against suicide are mixed.

A 2014 study of 8407 children found than 10.1% of privately educated students thought about committing suicide and half of those (5.2%) made plans to commit suicide. More than half those who made plans attempted to commit suicide (2.8%). If these numbers seem If these numbers seem abhorrent to you, you’ll be shocked to learn the frequency was about half what the researchers found for publicly educated children.

An earlier study at Texas State University found that private schools did not provide protection against suicide.

The answer is it depends on the child and the things the child finds the most stressful. Certainly students who attend private schools (both secular and religious) attempt suicide, like Matthew Cline. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for 15 to 24 year olds, and the sixth leading cause of death for 5 to 14 year olds.

Suicide is also contagious. When one child chooses to end his or her life prematurely other teens can view suicide as a way to end their emotional pain. Davidson, North Carolina, an upscale college town suburb of Charlotte has seen more than its share of suicides in recent years. Other towns have also experienced clusters of suicides. The way suicide is reported impacts the contagion effect. Not only is what one’s friends do important, this Princeton study found that what friends think is important.

There are many quotes about choosing one’s friends wisely because the company you keep determines who you become. The quantity of quotes, all with the same message, points to a basic truth.

Primary Prevention

Most suicide prevention efforts focus on the crisis point, but research clearly demonstrates that protective factors can be developed and that the earlier prevention efforts are made, the more effective they are. All prevention efforts are important but my work focuses on Primary Prevention. What is Primary Prevention (other than something that deserves much more attention than it currently receives?)

Primary Prevention is addressing potential problems early enough that the problem they are designed to prevent never occurs. When you wash your hands you are practicing Primary Prevention against the spread of disease and bacteria. When you brush your teeth you are practicing Primary Prevention of gum disease, rancid breath, and even heart disease. The factors that distinguish Primary Prevention is that:

  1. It is designed to prevent a problem
  2. It occurs when prevention is easiest and more likely to be successful
  3. Unlike treating symptoms after the problem develops, Primary Prevention is a cure that works before it is necessary

There are two ways to address suicide prevention before the crisis. One is to educate the public about suicide warning signs and risk factors and provide information about when to act and what to do. The goal of this type of Suicide Awareness and Prevention Education is to help friends, families, teachers, and religious leaders identify a risk before the crisis point. Most of the published articles make a cursory attempt to provide this education but they fall far short of providing information on the 40 different warning signs. The typical article lists about five. They seldom provide information about what to do and when to act when someone notices warning signs.

We don’t think a list of five warning signs is adequate. Even a list of 40 warning signs without an explanation is inadequate because it leaves too much open for interpretation or misinterpretation with deadly consequences. For this reason we are holding Public Suicide Prevention Meetings to educate and empower parents, educators, public servants, health care providers, religious leaders and friends can be part of the prevention effort.

The other way to address suicide prevention is true Primary Prevention. Researchers have repeatedly found that resilience provides protection against suicide. Researchers have repeatedly associated resilience with life-long positive outcomes in areas as wide-ranging as career success, mental health, physical health and good relationships. Scientists from many disciplines agree that resilience is a learnable skill. Resilience alters the outcome of childhood trauma and abuse in a positive way. This is important because the level of abuse (physical, sexual, and verbal) is over 30%. Recent research has also demonstrated that verbal abuse often has the worst long-term negative impact. This seems counter to what we feel the greatest revulsion to but when evaluated for the day-to-day effect, this outcome begins to make more sense.

Verbal Abuse

Verbal (psychological) abuse tends to create repetitive negative thoughts. Depending on your age, imagine a record, CD, or MP3 playing over and over again, undermining your ability to believe in yourself or even like yourself.

“Psychological abuse of a child is a pattern of intentional verbal or behavioral actions or lack of actions that convey to a child the message that he or she is worthless, flawed, unloved, unwanted, endangered, or only of value to meet someone else’s needs.”

For the most part, Americans tolerate far higher levels of psychological abuse than are healthy. We welcome television shows into our home where abusive behaviors are modeled and often considered humorous. Just because such behaviors are common does not make them healthy. Our paradigm about healthy behavior needs to shift and education is the key. Many of the parents are merely repeating the behavior they witnessed as children or are emulating what they’ve seen on television with no awareness of the long-term consequences to children they love and want the best for. It is lack of knowledge, not lack of goodness, that leads to most psychological abuse. We remain silent when we witness parents demeaning their children in public. We do not have acceptable social interventions to help educate others about the potential long term consequences of their behavior. kid does not want to listen

I will probably always remember a young Mother in the grocery store telling her toddler how stupid he was for reaching for putting a can of food she had put next to him in the cart into his mouth. There are times when I will say something but other times, such as that one, I felt any effort to educate her would be met with repudiations and possibly resentment for my interference. I was tired that day but what will be the long term consequences to that child of his Mother not knowing the damage she was doing by labeling her son stupid? Humans live up to the expectations others put upon us (Pygmalion effect (PDF)).
The damage is made worse by our tendency to teach our children to hide their feelings, to “keep a stiff upper lip” or “be strong.” There is nothing wrong with being strong but everyone needs a time and place where they feel they can safely release pent-up frustration, emotional hurt and anger or it becomes an infected wound that will eventually cause greater problems. For more information on psychological abuse, see this post.

Resilience is a Learnable Skill

Resilience can be increased with learnable skills. The long term effect of resilience is lower risk of suicide, greater likelihood of educational and career success, better relationships, improved mental, emotional and physical health. Resilience also improves the chances of a favorable outcome following trauma. While we are all familiar with PTSD in combat veterans, it also frequently affects victims of accidents and violent crimes. Well developed resilience increases the chances an individual will bounce back from such events and from other less traumatizing events such as the loss of a job, end of a romantic relationship and the death of a loved one. The faster, easier recovery lessens the risk of other undesired outcomes such as drug and alcohol abuse.

Developing resilience is the best form of Primary Prevention against suicide. We offer courses for children and adults that teach these skills.

Public Suicide Prevention and Awareness Meetings

Please attend one of the scheduled meetings. They are free and they could save a life.  If you are an educator, religious leader, business leader, public servant or health care worker please attend both for your own knowledge and to evaluate whether you would like a presentation for your organization. I will accommodate as many requests as I can to bring this valuable information to our community. Every attendee will receive a copy of  Prevent Suicide: The Smart Way.

Emergency Numbers

If you are thinking that maybe you’d rather be dead or that those you care about would be better off if you were, call the toll-free, 24-hour hotline of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline now at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255); TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889) to talk to a trained counselor. Or, call your doctor, dial 911, or go to an emergency room. For a free detailed booklet on depression and its treatment, go to:  http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression/complete-index.shtml

Someone wants to help you. Please call

International Emergency Numbers

Australia 000

New Zealand 111

Fiji   000 or 911

United Kingdom  112 or 999

Ireland      112 or 999

Turkey   112

Switzerland  112

India  102

Hong Kong 999

Israel  101 or 112

Japan   119

Nepal  102

UAE   112

Brazil  192

Costa Rica  911

S. Africa   112, 10 177

China  120

Philippines  117 or 112

Blogs, Building Resilience, Family, Mental/Emotional Health, Parenting, Prevention, Science, Suicide Prevention

Education is Prevention

April 8, 2015

Time after time I see grieving survivors say, “If only I’d know…” and “We had no idea…”

It’s true. Family and friends often have no idea that their loved one was contemplating suicide before a tragedy occurs.

I think there is a misconception that this frequent occurrence means we can’t know…which is rarely true.

An educated eye views things differently than an uneducated one. This is true in all areas.

People sometimes sell art worth millions for a few dollars at a garage sale. The sellers isn’t stupid, he merely has uneducated art eyes.

Doctors sometimes misdiagnose patients because they do not recognize the combination of symptoms the patient is presenting while another doctor, who is familiar with the symptoms, recognizes the problem almost immediately. A local woman came down with flu like symptoms while at Myrtle Beach. The doctors missed that she had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever because it’s not a problem at the beach. She died. Doctors in areas where Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever is more common recognize the symptoms.

There is so much to know in today’s world. No one can know everything. But we can choose to know things that may be highly important to our life long happiness.

I absolutely loved the movie Avatar but in less time than it took me to see it the second time (which was not nearly as good in 3D as it had been in Imax) I could attend this meeting and learn the 40 different warning signs for suicide.

Education is Prevention

In these free Community Suicide Awareness and Prevention meetings attendees will learn:

  • 40 Warning signs that someone may be suicidal
  • 50 Risk Factors that increase the risk of becoming suicidal
  • Protective Factors that are skill based and learnable
  • When to take action
  • What actions to take when it’s time to act

Some of the Risk Factors/Warning Signs will surprise you as they are commonly considered beneficial characteristics.

Why attend these meetings?

  • With educated eyes you can perceive warning signs that you would otherwise miss
  • Over 1,000,000 people attempt suicide in the USA each year
  • About 42,000 people die from suicide each year
  • Local children as young as age 9 have been suicidal
  • 20 – 25% of adults in the US have an episode of depression each year
  • People try to hide their depression because of the stigma associated with mental health issues
  • We can make a difference, education is the first step
  • Suicide is contagious
  • No one ever wants to suffer this loss, but experiencing it when you learn you could have done something that might have changed the outcome is even worse.
  • 1,200 North Carolinians will die from suicide this year, or will they? Education is prevention.

Why am I offering these meetings for free?

  • I’m tired of seeing the lives devastated by preventable suicides
  • Everyone else seems focused on waiting until the crisis occurs to provide prevention. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
  • I’ve saved lives because of the knowledge I share at these meetings, it matters

Meetings are currently scheduled in Huntersville, NC and everyone is welcome to attend.

I am actively seeking:

  • Venues where I can provide these meetings at low/no-cost
  • Groups who would like me to present this life saving information
  • Volunteers to assist with check-in, etc. at the meetings
  • Donations to help defray the cost of the meetings (They can be made through the non-profit I co-founded, Achieve Affinity)
  • Help sharing the availability of these meetings (with your friends/family and media contacts)
  • Your attendance at the meeting

I am willing to travel to provide this information to groups. Please contact me if you would like me to do so.

PS – Do not let yourself believe that suicide could never affect someone you love, or someone they love. If you believe this, ask your family if they know someone who has attempted suicide.

PSS – I, in no way, mean to blame family members or friends who have lost someone to suicide. I am not aware of other any programs that teach the life saving information given in these meetings. If they did not have educated eyes they were not able to help.

Jeanine Joy is the author of Prevent Suicide: The Smart Way and other books focused on Primary Prevention (prevention designed to prevent the problem from ever manifesting). She is the founder of Happiness 1st Institute, Co-Founder of the non-profit, Achieve Affinity and Founder of House of Peace and Love for All.

Blogs, Building Resilience, Events, Health, Mental/Emotional Health, Parenting, Prevention, Speakers, Suicide Prevention

Peace is Possible

April 7, 2015

Guest Post from House of Peace and Love for All

People say to me that there is too much pain in the world for peace to ever come. I know the beauty that resides within each of us and that deep within our heart of hearts we all want to live in harmony.

Our differences are not so much about what we want. Our disagreements are about the best method of achieving common goals.

If we would get to know one another on deeper levels this would be easier to see. With a common goal the disagreements evaporate. If I chose to take one path and someone else chooses another path to the same goal, no disagreement has to exist.

I am blessed to call a wonderful example of someone who has overcome hatred, anger, and fear, my friend. She has a heart that loves and works for greater peace in the world. Her name is Nomanono Isaacs. She is the author of Escaping Apartheid: A Letter to My Mother.

You can hear some of her stirring words in this video:

If you doubt that individuals can find peace because they’ve lived harsh lives, suffered painful loses, and are holding onto anger and resentment, read her book and ask yourself if she can be as she is after what she lived, who could not.

Nomanono is unique and special not because she has a greater capacity to find the love and peace within than others have, but because she allows herself to fulfill more of her potential in that regard. If she can do it, so can others. They simply have to make the effort and open their hearts and minds to the path that will allow them to heal and to feel better.

Are you making excuses to be less than you could be? Why? Are you ready to stop?

If you want help along your way to putting peace in your heart, tune in to our weekly services (or attend them when offered in person). We know the way and are happy to help you increase the peace in the world by putting it in your own heart.

Blissful Blessings be upon you.

Peace is possible.

Minister Joy

Anger - overcoming, Books, Disparate Impact, Diversity Appreciation, Forgiveness, Meaning and Purpose, Media, Mental Toughness, Optimism, Peace, Success, Video's

Overcome Fear

March 28, 2015

Overcome Fear

There is a common saying, Fear = false evidence appearing real. Our programs teach many ways to overcome fear and embrace life more fully so that joy can shine into our lives.

I ran across this little video of a 78 year-old woman who used a unique way to overcome fear of her first airplane ride. It’s quick and fun. I hope you enjoy it.

Facing what we fear makes us stronger.

What do you fear? Let us help you move beyond fear.

Blogs, Building Resilience, Optimism, Stress Relief

Curiosity is a Super Power

February 14, 2015

Curiosity is a Super Power

Sometimes, when someone comes into a conversation I’m having halfway through, they think I’m crazy or that the world I visualize will never exist but generally, if I can begin at the beginning with someone whose mind is not so closed to possibilities that a crow bar is needed to open it up enough for a breath of fresh air to blow through, I can lead them, step-by-step through the very logical steps to the point where they can see it too.

For quite a while after I realized that I had figured out each step and that there were no more missing bridges between what we know and a world beyond what most believe we could ever create I questioned why it was me. Like always, when I ask a question continuously, the answer comes. I remember the excitement I felt, to the core of my Being, when I saw an Einstein quote, “I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.” Now, I’d always thought of Einstein as a genius of the greatest magnitude and revered his mind. When I saw this quote, it resonated with me because it said exactly what I felt about myself. I had a burning question, “What makes humans thrive?” that I sought clear answers to for more than a decade. Each piece of the puzzle gave me greater clarity and created many related questions that I sought answers to.

I had not seen my journey as allowing my inner, curious child to explore. I had seen it as more important and more serious than that because the journey began by knowing how much difference resilience could make in a life and a keen desire to help others become more resilient. When I began this journey I had no idea that the same root cause would improve every area of life or the far reaching consequences it could have not just for individuals, but also for society. If I had, I am sure I would have thought myself incapable of finding the answers or helping the world see the light of truth. But a funny thing happens when you learn things that will help someone else, your motivation to give that information to others, to help them thrive more becomes an insatiable desire–a desire of the best kind–because when I satisfy my desire I help others.

I came across this little video today and for those who can’t imagine the world I am sure is possible, I hope it might help you see that it may be more possible than you realize today. There is a saying that when the student is ready the teacher appears. I want to help everyone, especially those who aren’t thriving, but until the student is ready I can’t help. What is required to be ready? A willingness to ask “What if…” and “Could this be true?” instead of a mind that is closed to the possibilities.

Blogs, Building Resilience, Employee Engagement, Increasing Happiness, Peace, Science, Video's

Public Health Manipulation?

February 6, 2015

Public Health Manipulation?

While researching my upcoming book, Become More Resilient: The Smart Way, I came across some research that I find quite disturbing.

The research was attempting to determine the reason for optimistic bias and whether or not it could be eliminated by increasing the subjects information about the risk, for example, the risk of getting cancer.

They theorized that in order to get people to do the preventative behaviors that would lower their risk, they had to reduce their optimistic bias. In order to do that, they wanted to determine if the reason for optimism was to reduce anxiety, to maintain self-esteem, or to maintain a positive emotional state.

What they did not consider in this misguided attempt was that positively focused individuals (optimists) have a lower risk of cancer. If you take the total risk of the population and ask an optimist to accept that risk as his or her own, it would be an overestimation of the individual risk. Why?

Research has shown that the presence of positive emotions has a beneficial impact on the bio-chemical function of our bodies. Specifically,

  • Improved immune function
  • Improved cognitive function
  • Increased likelihood of making good decisions about behaviors (diet, exercise, alcohol, etc.)
  • Improved digestive function

The very health promoting behaviors the researchers want more of are more likely to be done by those who feel positive emotion than those who are pessimistic, stressed, or in negative emotional states.

Their idea of making people feel less optimistic, which would lower the degree to which they feel positive emotions, flies in the face of strong evidence that demonstrates that positive emotions provide a protective effect against chronic illness and dread diseases. The improved immune function translates directly into a lower risk of cancer, which is supported by the evidence. The presence of positive emotions reduces the risk of heart disease (the #1 cause of death worldwide) at least 50% and some newer research is showing 70%.

Negative emotions have been shown to reduce the likelihood of an individual engaging in health promoting behaviors. Even individuals who know exercise is good for them and will make them feel better readily admit that they forgo their usual exercise routine when they feel too stressed. Food choices vary by mood, which negative emotion highly correlated to the less healthy choices. Alcohol and drug use are the method of choice for millions who do not have the skills necessary to reduce their level of stress (negative emotions).

In addition to being misguided for the above reason, the research was not considering the underlying cause of optimism and pessimism. The questions they asked were never going to address individual differences. Optimism (and pessimism) are the result of habits of thought individuals developed and then continue to repeat throughout life (unless they elect to deliberately change their habits). Thoughts are influenced by underlying beliefs about the self, others, and the world combined with the way the individual perceived past experiences. The number of unique permutations possible cannot be accurately modeled in a simple theory of reducing anxiety, maintaining self-esteem, or maintaining a positive emotional state.

Every individual has unique beliefs about every topic. For example, with respect to one’s mother, there will be beliefs that pertain to Mom and money, Mom and food, Mom and shopping, Mom and education, Mom and alcohol, Mom and cleanliness, Mom and family, Mom and other siblings, Mom and transportation, Mom and flowers. The list is endless. An individual may feel good about some of the beliefs about Mom, and bad about others.

How you feel about each of those topics depends on the perspective you take. If Mom was very frugal you may feel guilty when you buy anything that you do not consider necessary—even if you are able to easily afford luxuries. There are many ways to handle every scenario. You could behave frugally, not enjoying the prosperity available to you to avoid the guilt. Some people self-sabotage their career or investments so they do not have enough funds to violate this internalized rule about frugality. There are dozens of ways to handle this underlying belief but the best way is to develop a belief that serves your highest good. That’s easy—when you know how. Attempting to understand why any individual behaves in a specific way is not easy, or necessary.

Human behavior cannot be understood in a simple construct with three reasons for optimism. My own optimism comes from a variety of perspectives—and deliberate conscious choices. First, maintaining a positive state of mind is important to me because I want to feel good. But I also know that doing so is the absolutely best thing I can do for my health and my relationships. I developed skills that enable me to do this very well on a consistent basis regardless of circumstances. I also found a solid platform for healthy self-esteem, one that does not require defense against attacks and that does not place my worth or value above that of any other—but also not less than any other.

The details, the thoughts that support a positive emotional state vary widely depending on the circumstances focused on in any given moment. We think about 60,000 thoughts each day. Each thought results in an emotional response that either feels better, worse, or the same as the prior thought felt. To attempt to classify 60,000 thoughts into three buckets and derive meaningful and useful information from it is an exercise in futility.

Citations for the statistics in this article are included in True Prevention—Optimum Health: Remember Galileo. Many of them are also in other blogs on my website.

Jeanine Joy teaches others how to develop beliefs that create sustainable positive emotions. Her programs increase resilience, optimism, happiness, self-esteem, internal locus of control, and help them develop supportive relationships. Her programs are available for organizations, schools, and individuals.

Benefits, Blogs, Building Resilience, Mental/Emotional Health, Prevention, Science

OHIO State WINS Championship against the Ducks 42-20 E + R = O Wristband Effect?

January 13, 2015

Ohio State Wins   **** OSU Wins  ***** Buckeyes Win

Ohio State is the only team in College Football with a regular positivity coach. How much did that have to do with their winning record this year?

If it had been a regular year the effect of intensive positivity training might be able to be dismissed but as a Wolverine fan first and a BIG10 fan second, I’m impressed with our rival this year. Not just because they won the championship—but because they won the championship despite the injuries suffered during this season.

Even before the season began Braxton Miller was taken off the roster due to a season ending shoulder injury. Braxton Miller was the BIG10 Player of the Year two years in a row so losing him is something that might have given a blow to morale.

But OSU came out rockin’ and rollin’ this year. Going into the last game of the regular season, against their rival the University of Michigan Wolverines on the Saturday after Thanksgiving they had another blow—a teammate was missing on senior day and no one knew where he was. Cardale Jones was the back-up quarterback to the back-up. I was in the stands at Horseshoe stadium when J.T. Barrett broke his ankle. No one there anticipated that a young back-up would be able to win the game—a game where the Wolverines surprised the Buckeyes by making it a real game that was tied at halftime. I was amazed at how well the team played when Kosta was missing and J.T. Barrett was injured. All the fans around me were surprised that the team maintained its equanimity.

Before the next game, the national semi-finals they had to bury their teammate, Kosta Karageorge. With their 3rd string quarterback the Buckeyes demolished Alabama.

What effect does positivity have on success?

It makes all the difference.

Positivity causes physical, mental, and behavioral changes in our bodies that help us function well. Our cognitive abilities are better when we are positively focused, we are more resilient, we make better decisions, and our immune function is better.

Their young 3rd string seems unflappable. (it’s really difficult to call Cardale Jones 3rd string because he’s done a 1st string job since the moment J.T. Barrett’s ankle broke) During the Championship game  an announcer said Cardale told him he does not let bad plays get to him, he just keeps going. The announcer’s response was he did not know if that was false bravado or if Jones just did not know any better. But it’s neither. It is possible to train the mind not to allow things to bother you, not through suppression which is unhealthy, but by taking perspectives that support success.

It’s not just the team. Coach Myers is outwardly more in control of his emotions, even during a fumble.

If you read what the greatest thinkers of all ages have written, positivity is encouraged. It is encouraged by philosophers, by the scriptures of at least a half dozen major religions, by Einstein.

What could your team do if they had intense positivity training? Not a simple speech or posters that tell you to think positive but don’t tell you how, but a real intense program and ongoing support like those offered by Happiness 1st Institute? A program that goes to the root cause of optimism and pessimism and equips individuals with tools that allow them to develop habits of thought that give them a real advantage?

OSU’s positivity coach has taught the team that Event plus Response equals Outcome and says a successful reaction is a skill that can be taught. I agree. Teaching people how to have a beneficial reaction that leads to the outcomes they desire is my passion.

They have the championship under their belts now but they have something even more important–skills that lead to success. Zig Ziglar, Napoleon Hill, and others all the way back to Aristotle, the scriptures of all major religions, and countless others throughout history have encouraged positive thinking.

Here are some of my other articles on positive thinking:

Psychology: What You Don’t Know Will Hurt You

Employee Happiness Isn’t Your Responsibility. But Should It Be Your Goal?

Stress Kills:Happiness Heals

Is Happiness Wrong?

Happiness and Stress Are Opposite Ends of the Same Continuum

No Matter Where You Go, There You Are

Here are some quotes on positive thinking you may enjoy:

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world. ~ Buddha

The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large. ~ Confucius

Positive thinking will let you use the ability which you have, and that is awesome.
Zig Ziglar

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. ~ William James (considered the father of psychology)

Blogs, Building Resilience

What Do Lack of Employee Engagement, Altruism, Volunteerism have in Common?

January 7, 2015

What Do Lack of Employee Engagement, Altruism, Volunteerism have in Common?

They are all symptoms of the same root cause.

Our behavior is closely connected to our emotional state. Almost every beneficial behavior increases when an individual feels good emotionally and worsens when the individual feels less than positive emotions.

Our chronic emotional state, which is our dominant emotional state, affects how we perceive the world around us. Below our conscious level of awareness, the inputs from our senses are sorted and only some of the information is passed to our conscious mind. Our senses receive so much information the filtering process is necessary. Much of the information is irrelevant. If you continuously felt every place your clothes touch you skin, it would make it difficult to think about other things.

These filters make a lot of decisions before we are even aware the information is available–deciding what to send to the conscious mind and what not to send. One filter is based on how we feel emotionally. There is more than one filter that uses emotion. Your current mood is the basis of one filter. Have you ever noticed that when you’re angry you suddenly remember other things you were angry about in the past that are like the thing you are currently angry about–things you haven’t thought about in a while.

Another filter is based on your chronic emotional state. Your chronic emotional state is simply the emotional state you’re often in. Some people might even consider it their personality–it isn’t, but it can seem that way because our chronic state is based on habits of thought that most people do not change throughout life. We even have archetypes, such as the Drama Queen that represent a chronic emotional state characterized by frustration, irritation, impatience, being overwhelmed and frequent disappointments.

Because of the filtering process, someone who is frequently frustrated will focus on areas of life that are frustrating while ignoring areas that would be easy to appreciate. Likewise, someone who is frequently angry will focus on things that make her angry–even when there is much to appreciate in her environment. Someone who is frequently in a state of appreciation will focus on things he appreciates and be less aware of things that would make him frustrated or angry.

Engagement

Being engaged at work requires interest in and a desire to do the work with a positive attitude. Someone whose filters are continually highlighting less than positive aspects about their job, their performance, their boss, their co-workers, and the company they work for will find it difficult to be engaged at work. Even when the company makes an effort to make sure they provide a good work environment, the employee’s filters continue to primarily highlight the negative more than the positive.

The recent economic downturn shifted a lot of people who were more fearful than usual during the downturn, to a lower chronic emotional state. At that same time, many companies had to ask employees to do more with less. It is not surprising that Gallup is reporting low employee engagement numbers worldwide. In Gallup’s most recent report only 30% of American workers were engaged, 20% were actively disengaged and 50% were not engaged. The annual cost estimated by Gallup for the actively disengaged workers lack of engagement was 450-550 billion dollars.

Better Managers

Gallup’s recommendation include improving management but even a wonderful manager will not be perceived as wonderful by an employee whose filtering system is highlighting the worse–or interpreting the manager’s words and actions in a negative way.

Praise of an employee’s work is easily received by an individual who is in a state of appreciation. Praise the work of an employee who is chronically frustrated and the employee may misinterpret it to mean you’re getting ready to ask for things that are frustration (buttering up instead of honest praise). The manager cannot control this. The emotionally intelligent manager may be more aware of what is happening and able to get through the filters for some frustrated employees some of the time–but it is the hard way of going about it.

Also, managers have the same sorts of brains with their own filtering system. Many of them were affected by the economic downturn.

It is not just the people who were directly affected whose chronic emotional state slid lower. The level of fear rose in many people who never experienced negative economic impacts from the downturn.

Altruism and Volunteerism

Countries with low employee engagement also report low rates of altruism and volunteerism. Researchers have already linked good corporate citizenship, altruistic behavior, volunteerism, and kindness to strangers to positive mood. Researchers have found that when people feel good, they do good. Being kind can also promote a sense of community, which is known to increase engagement.

When someone does something nice for someone else, more kind behavior is inspired by feelings of gratitude.

There is some evidence linking guilt to positive behavior and some charities attempt to guilt donors into giving but this is not recommended because guilt causes stress that is associated with negative health outcomes. Guilt is more about restoring a perceived imbalance -1 + 1 = 0, a zero sum game. Whereas pure altruism adds value to the world.

Intrinsic Motivation

Intrinsic motivation is one of the reasons employee engagement is so beneficial to employers. Positive mood is associated with greater intrinsic motivation.

The Effect of Resilience

We all know that one person can remain engaged even under the most trying of circumstances while others engagement rapidly declines when stressors are present. Resilience is a critical trait in the workforce. Without resilience employees will not function well when something makes them lose their mental-emotional balance. No one can control what happens to them during their life, marriages fail, loved ones die, people become ill and require care or perseverance to get through difficult treatments, business struggle and sometimes our fears about safety, for ourselves, our family and even our country seem eminent. The ability to bounce back and function in the aftermath of such events is crucial.

Every business continuity plan requires employees to be able to act. If the employees are not resilient, some of them will not meet the challenges. Resilience is a skill that can be built in advance–a skill that increases when positivity is increased.

Employee Wellness

Another area that Gallup links to increased engagement is higher levels of employee wellness. That is no surprise to me because wellness goals are far more likely to be achieved in the positively focused individual.

I’ve already outlined the link between chronic stress, positivity, and wellness program outcomes in The Key Ingredient Your Corporate Wellness Program is Missing and a few other articles (links below) so I won’t elaborate on them here. Increasing positivity improves the root cause of wellness. For a full discussion, see my book TRUE Prevention–Optimum Health: Remember Galileo.

The Root Cause

The root cause of engagement, altruism, volunteerism, intrinsic motivation and resilience can be traced directly to chronic emotional stance. With the right skills and tools, improving chronic emotional state is easy. It is a new approach to engagement and wellness. Prepare for results that exceed expectations.

Twenty years of cross disciplinary research has gone into developing and fine tuning our methods. The early adopters will achieve significant advantages over their slower competitors. There is nothing to lose and much to gain. We offer a free consultation to businesses and for individuals, our premier programs come with a money back guarantee. Call today for a better tomorrow.

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Jeanine Joy is an author, speaker, and CEO focused on improving human thriving. For techniques on defusing stressful thoughts so you can relax and enjoy life more, try one of my books or programs. Also watch for a book focused on optional aspects of aging and not taking those options. It may be late 2015 or 2016 before that one is out but it will address this issue in more detail.

Please consider sharing this information with your network. If you found it valuable, they may also find value in what I have written.

I wish for you many blissings. (Blissings = blissful blessings)

About : Jeanine Joy Jeanine Joy is an inspiring and life-changing author, speaker, and scholar. The purpose of her life is to seek out knowledge that increases human thriving, create explanations and processes that provide practical ways for individuals adopt strategies that enhance their lives. Her programs, books, and speeches empower people to fulfill their dreams and enjoy more loving, happy, and successful lives. Her ultimate goal is to help create a better world for everyone on Earth.

Available Now

Coming in 2015

 

Blogs, Building Resilience, Business, Employee Happiness

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Radio Show Guest Appearance: Advocacy Heals U January 6, 2015 2 pm EST

December 18, 2014

Advocacy Heals U

Radio Show on Tuesday January 6th and re-play on Saturday

Broadcast is archived Advocacy Heals U Radio Show. Listen any time.

Tragedies can happen to anyone at anytime. No one is immune from this possibility.

Everyone has the ability to decide how to deal with the aftermath of tragedy. Some people decide they can never again be happy–and they aren’t. Some try to forget and use alcohol or drugs or other addictions to try to ease their pain, which leads to more pain. Some people give up.

But others thrive. They experience what is termed Post Traumatic Growth (PTG). PTG is the opposite of PTSD in many ways.

Surviving is not enough. It is not why you were born or why you live. You can thrive no matter what has gone before.

What makes the difference between the two? It really comes down to choice of perception. Now, to be fair, most people don’t understand they have control over their perspective. For some reason (something I am working hard to change) our society does not teach this critical life skill.

By choosing perspectives that feel better we are able to function. By choosing the perspectives that feel best, we become instruments of change and thrive in ways no one would have anticipated or expected prior to our going through the tragedy.

Making the choice to make meaning out of the nonsensical is the only choice that leads to thriving.

Chronic stress has negative effects on immune function, digestive function, cognitive abilities and other physical functions of the body. It also increases relationship difficulties.

There are ways to lower stress even when you can’t change circumstances. I am pleased that I will be on Joni Aldrich and Chris Jerry’s radio show, Advocacy Heals U, Tuesday January 6th at 2 p.m. Eastern allowing me to share some techniques those who are suffering can use to ease their burden. Please join us if you can. If you’re not able to listen on Tuesday, there will be a replay. The details are noted below.

I’m having a guest appearance on ADVOCACY HEALS U with show host and author Joni Aldrich and Chris Jerry on Tuesday, January 6th, 2:00-2:50 p.m. ESTwww.W4WN.com(Women 4 Women Network) and www.W4CS.com (Cancer Support Network). No downloads or Apps needed to listen. (If you miss it, catch the rebroadcast on the Sat. after the show at 4:00 p.m. EST on both networks.)

All shows are archived on iHeartRadio.com.

If you, or a friend or co-worker, have endured a tragedy please share this with them. The techniques I’ll share during the show can help ease their burden

Jeanine Joy understands what helps humans thrive. She is the Founder ofHappiness 1st Institute, Co-Founder of Achieve Affinity, and a Member of the Board of Directors of AWES International and the AWES Foundation.

Her research into understanding what creates resilience, good physical, mental, and emotional health, and strong relationships yielded answers. Drawing from many scientific disciplines and philosophies including positive psychology, sociology, quantum physics, psychoneuroimmunology and other sciences as they relate to what cultivates human thriving, she developed practical steps that empower individuals and organizations to thrive more. Because her focus addresses the root cause of human thriving, the benefits of her techniques extend into every area of life—making even difficult situations easier.

Her focus is on building strengths that are known to protect individuals from undesired outcomes and helping them overcome existing problems. Her work emphasizes what could go right and helps individuals create more thriving in their own lives.

She is the author of two books, True Prevention—Optimum Health: Remember Galileo and Prevent Suicide: The Smart Way and she also contributed toPerspectives on Coping and Resilience.

Building Resilience, Mental/Emotional Health, Radio Shows

Are You A Caregiver

December 15, 2014

Listen to the upcoming radio show (or a recording of it). Recording available on Caregiver SOS on iHeart radio.

A Caregiver is often under an extra stress load.

There are two types of caregivers, unpaid (usually family members) and paid professional caregivers.

Caregivers assist others with activities of daily living they can no longer do or that they struggle to do. It can include something as simple as food preparation to full care including bathing and other hygiene as well as spoon feeding.

Caregiving can be physically taxing and emotionally difficult creating chronic stress in the caregiver that, when the spouse is the caregiver, frequently causes the caregiver to give out before the one who is being cared for.

Chronic stress has negative effects on immune function, digestive function, cognitive abilities and other physical functions of the body. It also increases relationship difficulties.

The person receiving care may, despite the health impairment, feel more cared for and loved because of the care he or she is receiving, which lowers the stress level.

There are ways to lower stress without having to change circumstances. I am pleased that I will be on Joni Aldrich’s radio show this Wednesday allowing me to share some techniques caregivers can use to ease their burden. Please join us if you can. If you’re not able to listen on Wednesday, there will be a replay. The details are noted below.

I’m having a guest appearance on CAREGIVING SOS with show host and authorJoni Aldrich on Wednesday, 12/17/2014, 2:00-2:50 p.m. EST www.W4WN.com(Women 4 Women Network) and www.W4CS.com (Cancer Support Network). No downloads or Apps needed to listen. As more illnesses require complex and long-term treatments, the caregiver is the referee, pharmacist, medical assistant, and moral support for the patient–all without any formal training or enough sleep! (If you miss it, catch the rebroadcast on the Sat. after the show at 4:00 p.m. EST on both networks.)

If you, or a friend or co-worker, are caring for a parent, spouse, or child please share this with them. In our society caregivers often downplay their stress level–at work so they won’t be perceived as having split priorities and at home so they won’t make the person they’re caring for feel guilty. Stress can kill. The techniques I’ll share during the show can help ease their burden

Jeanine Joy understands what helps humans thrive. She is the Founder o fHappiness 1st Institute, Co-Founder of Achieve Affinity, and a Member of the Board of Directors of AWES International and the AWES Foundation.

Her research into understanding what creates resilience, good physical, mental, and emotional health, and strong relationships yielded answers. Drawing from many scientific disciplines and philosophies including positive psychology, sociology, quantum physics, psychoneuroimmunology and other sciences as they relate to what cultivates human thriving, she developed practical steps that empower individuals and organizations to thrive more. Because her focus addresses the root cause of human thriving, the benefits of her techniques extend into every area of life—making even difficult situations easier.

Her focus is on building strengths that are known to protect individuals from undesired outcomes and helping them overcome existing problems. Her work emphasizes what could go right and helps individuals create more thriving in their own lives.

She is the author of two books, True Prevention—Optimum Health: Remember Galileo and Prevent Suicide: The Smart Way and she also contributed toPerspectives on Coping and Resilience.

Blogs, Building Resilience, Increasing Happiness, Radio Shows, Stress Relief