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Author Archive: JeanineJoy

Verbal Abuse Worse Than Physical Abuse?

April 16, 2015

Resilience alters the outcome of childhood trauma and abuse in a positive way. This is important because the level of abuse (physical, sexual, and verbal) is over 30%. Recent research has also demonstrated that verbal abuse often has the worst long-term negative impact. This seems counter to what we feel the greatest revulsion to, but when evaluated for the day-to-day life-long effect, this outcome begins to make more sense.

Verbal Abuse

Verbal (psychological) abuse tends to create repetitive negative thoughts. Depending on your age, imagine a record, CD, or MP3 playing over and over again, undermining your ability to believe in yourself or even like yourself.

“Psychological abuse of a child is a pattern of intentional verbal or behavioral actions or lack of actions that convey to a child the message that he or she is worthless, flawed, unloved, unwanted, endangered, or only of value to meet someone else’s needs.”

For the most part, Americans tolerate far higher levels of psychological abuse than are healthy. We welcome television shows into our home where abusive behaviors are modeled and often considered humorous. Just because such behaviors are common does not make them healthy. Our paradigm about healthy behavior needs to shift and education is the key. Many of the parents are merely repeating the behavior they witnessed as children or are emulating what they’ve seen on television with no awareness of the long-term consequences to children they love and want the best for. It is lack of knowledge, not lack of goodness, that leads to most psychological abuse. We remain silent when we witness parents demeaning their children in public. We do not have acceptable social interventions to help educate others about the potential long term consequences of their behavior.

I will probably always remember a young Mother in the grocery store telling her toddler how stupid he was for putting a can of food she had sat next to him in the cart into his mouth. There are times when I will say something but other times, such as that one, I felt any effort to educate her would be met with repudiations and possibly resentment for my interference. I was tired that day but what will be the long term consequences to that child of his Mother not knowing the damage she was doing by labeling her son stupid? Humans live up to the expectations others put upon us (Pygmalion effect (PDF)).
The damage is made worse by our tendency to teach our children to hide their feelings, to “keep a stiff upper lip” or “be strong.” There is nothing wrong with being strong but everyone needs a time and place where they feel they can safely release pent-up frustration, emotional hurt and anger or it becomes an infected wound that will eventually cause greater problems.

If the following behaviors are commonly tolerated in your home, consider modifying the behavior.

  • Frequent yelling or screamingVerbal Abuse
  • Using “the silent treatment” on family or friends to show displeasure or disappointment
  • Negative comparisons to others
  • Treating one another as if the person does not have significant value or worth
  • Destroying treasured possessions or memories
  • Mind games designed to make the victim question his or her sanity
  • Misplaced blame (i.e. blaming a child for a parent’s problems)
  • Sabotaging a child’s plans (such as withdrawing permission for a desired activity or making plans that interfere with the activity without a good reason and/or to deliberately interfere with the child’s ability to enjoy the activity.
  • Showing favoritism is a form of discrimination and can have life long consequences to self-worth to the disfavored child and neuroticism for the favored child.
  • Inappropriate conversations with children about other family members that create distrust, emotional pain, etc.
  • Compulsive lying and denial of promises madeVerbal Abuse
  • Deliberately painting the child in a negative light to others
  • Teaching the child to perceive the world in ways that will interfere with success (i.e. encouraging racism)
  • Encouraging socially or legally unacceptable behaviors (i.e. violence, bullying, alcohol and drug use, theft, lying)
  • Rage and ridicule of the child or of other members of the household
  • Isolating the child from appropriate social interactions
  • Too much or too little control over the child for age and development level (leaving the child alone for long periods of time or sitting with an older teen for hours every night supervising homework completion
  • Repeated and frequent sarcasm
  • Setting unrealistic expectations and then demeaning the child for not meeting the unattainable expectations

In time our society will recognize the undesired consequences of these abusive behaviors. All mentally healthy parents want the best for their children. Those with less than optimal mental health also usually want the best for their children but do not understand how to provide the nurturing environment. It is not that parents with the most emotional and mental damage do not want the best for their children so much as it is their own needs are far from met so meeting those of a child is beyond their ability unless and until their needs are addressed.

Many of our television shows demonstrate psychologically abusive behavior as if it is normal behavior. Well, it may be normal in our day and age but at some point in the future it will be widely recognized for the dysfunctional behavior it is.

You and your family will benefit from recognizing it sooner rather than later.

If you recognize some of these behaviors as your own but believe you cannot stop, please seek help. Professional help can work wonders when the individual is motivated to change. If you’re more inclined to seek improvement through learning, one of our classes will provide the information you need to know so that you can change ingrained behavioral and thought patterns. Behavior is largely the result of habit. When you understand how to successfully change the habits, you can change anything about yourself that you wish to change.Verbal Abuse

You don’t have to live with that negative voice in your head. It is not who you are. You are worthy of more, of a better life than you can enjoy with that repetitive negativity robbing you of your joy.

Children know at a very young age when the words hurt. When a child this young is covering his ears in response to the words being spoken it is a sign that the way the child is interpreting the words is damaging his self-esteem.

Healthy self-esteem is critical if the child is to fulfill his potential in life. It is much easier to sustain healthy self-esteem than it is to build it back up after it has suffered damage.

You want the best for your family. If behavioral patterns in your home do not support the best outcomes, take action. You are not stuck. Improvement is possible–but not if you continue doing as you’ve always done. Changing the outcome begins by changing behavior.

Contact us today to see how we can help.

Abuse, Abuse, Abuse, Abuse (Verbal (Psychological), Blogs, Bullying Prevention, Expectation (Pygmalion Effect), Mental/Emotional Health, Negative Self-Talk, Parenting, Prevention, Relationships, Science, Self-Esteem (Self-Worth), Suicide Prevention, Victims

Private Schools and Suicide

April 15, 2015

Private Schools and Suicide

The findings about whether private schools provide some protection against suicide are mixed.

A 2014 study of 8407 children found than 10.1% of privately educated students thought about committing suicide and half of those (5.2%) made plans to commit suicide. More than half those who made plans attempted to commit suicide (2.8%). If these numbers seem If these numbers seem abhorrent to you, you’ll be shocked to learn the frequency was about half what the researchers found for publicly educated children.

An earlier study at Texas State University found that private schools did not provide protection against suicide.

The answer is it depends on the child and the things the child finds the most stressful. Certainly students who attend private schools (both secular and religious) attempt suicide, like Matthew Cline. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for 15 to 24 year olds, and the sixth leading cause of death for 5 to 14 year olds.

Suicide is also contagious. When one child chooses to end his or her life prematurely other teens can view suicide as a way to end their emotional pain. Davidson, North Carolina, an upscale college town suburb of Charlotte has seen more than its share of suicides in recent years. Other towns have also experienced clusters of suicides. The way suicide is reported impacts the contagion effect. Not only is what one’s friends do important, this Princeton study found that what friends think is important.

There are many quotes about choosing one’s friends wisely because the company you keep determines who you become. The quantity of quotes, all with the same message, points to a basic truth.

Primary Prevention

Most suicide prevention efforts focus on the crisis point, but research clearly demonstrates that protective factors can be developed and that the earlier prevention efforts are made, the more effective they are. All prevention efforts are important but my work focuses on Primary Prevention. What is Primary Prevention (other than something that deserves much more attention than it currently receives?)

Primary Prevention is addressing potential problems early enough that the problem they are designed to prevent never occurs. When you wash your hands you are practicing Primary Prevention against the spread of disease and bacteria. When you brush your teeth you are practicing Primary Prevention of gum disease, rancid breath, and even heart disease. The factors that distinguish Primary Prevention is that:

  1. It is designed to prevent a problem
  2. It occurs when prevention is easiest and more likely to be successful
  3. Unlike treating symptoms after the problem develops, Primary Prevention is a cure that works before it is necessary

There are two ways to address suicide prevention before the crisis. One is to educate the public about suicide warning signs and risk factors and provide information about when to act and what to do. The goal of this type of Suicide Awareness and Prevention Education is to help friends, families, teachers, and religious leaders identify a risk before the crisis point. Most of the published articles make a cursory attempt to provide this education but they fall far short of providing information on the 40 different warning signs. The typical article lists about five. They seldom provide information about what to do and when to act when someone notices warning signs.

We don’t think a list of five warning signs is adequate. Even a list of 40 warning signs without an explanation is inadequate because it leaves too much open for interpretation or misinterpretation with deadly consequences. For this reason we are holding Public Suicide Prevention Meetings to educate and empower parents, educators, public servants, health care providers, religious leaders and friends can be part of the prevention effort.

The other way to address suicide prevention is true Primary Prevention. Researchers have repeatedly found that resilience provides protection against suicide. Researchers have repeatedly associated resilience with life-long positive outcomes in areas as wide-ranging as career success, mental health, physical health and good relationships. Scientists from many disciplines agree that resilience is a learnable skill. Resilience alters the outcome of childhood trauma and abuse in a positive way. This is important because the level of abuse (physical, sexual, and verbal) is over 30%. Recent research has also demonstrated that verbal abuse often has the worst long-term negative impact. This seems counter to what we feel the greatest revulsion to but when evaluated for the day-to-day effect, this outcome begins to make more sense.

Verbal Abuse

Verbal (psychological) abuse tends to create repetitive negative thoughts. Depending on your age, imagine a record, CD, or MP3 playing over and over again, undermining your ability to believe in yourself or even like yourself.

“Psychological abuse of a child is a pattern of intentional verbal or behavioral actions or lack of actions that convey to a child the message that he or she is worthless, flawed, unloved, unwanted, endangered, or only of value to meet someone else’s needs.”

For the most part, Americans tolerate far higher levels of psychological abuse than are healthy. We welcome television shows into our home where abusive behaviors are modeled and often considered humorous. Just because such behaviors are common does not make them healthy. Our paradigm about healthy behavior needs to shift and education is the key. Many of the parents are merely repeating the behavior they witnessed as children or are emulating what they’ve seen on television with no awareness of the long-term consequences to children they love and want the best for. It is lack of knowledge, not lack of goodness, that leads to most psychological abuse. We remain silent when we witness parents demeaning their children in public. We do not have acceptable social interventions to help educate others about the potential long term consequences of their behavior. kid does not want to listen

I will probably always remember a young Mother in the grocery store telling her toddler how stupid he was for reaching for putting a can of food she had put next to him in the cart into his mouth. There are times when I will say something but other times, such as that one, I felt any effort to educate her would be met with repudiations and possibly resentment for my interference. I was tired that day but what will be the long term consequences to that child of his Mother not knowing the damage she was doing by labeling her son stupid? Humans live up to the expectations others put upon us (Pygmalion effect (PDF)).
The damage is made worse by our tendency to teach our children to hide their feelings, to “keep a stiff upper lip” or “be strong.” There is nothing wrong with being strong but everyone needs a time and place where they feel they can safely release pent-up frustration, emotional hurt and anger or it becomes an infected wound that will eventually cause greater problems. For more information on psychological abuse, see this post.

Resilience is a Learnable Skill

Resilience can be increased with learnable skills. The long term effect of resilience is lower risk of suicide, greater likelihood of educational and career success, better relationships, improved mental, emotional and physical health. Resilience also improves the chances of a favorable outcome following trauma. While we are all familiar with PTSD in combat veterans, it also frequently affects victims of accidents and violent crimes. Well developed resilience increases the chances an individual will bounce back from such events and from other less traumatizing events such as the loss of a job, end of a romantic relationship and the death of a loved one. The faster, easier recovery lessens the risk of other undesired outcomes such as drug and alcohol abuse.

Developing resilience is the best form of Primary Prevention against suicide. We offer courses for children and adults that teach these skills.

Public Suicide Prevention and Awareness Meetings

Please attend one of the scheduled meetings. They are free and they could save a life.  If you are an educator, religious leader, business leader, public servant or health care worker please attend both for your own knowledge and to evaluate whether you would like a presentation for your organization. I will accommodate as many requests as I can to bring this valuable information to our community. Every attendee will receive a copy of  Prevent Suicide: The Smart Way.

Emergency Numbers

If you are thinking that maybe you’d rather be dead or that those you care about would be better off if you were, call the toll-free, 24-hour hotline of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline now at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255); TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889) to talk to a trained counselor. Or, call your doctor, dial 911, or go to an emergency room. For a free detailed booklet on depression and its treatment, go to:  http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression/complete-index.shtml

Someone wants to help you. Please call

International Emergency Numbers

Australia 000

New Zealand 111

Fiji   000 or 911

United Kingdom  112 or 999

Ireland      112 or 999

Turkey   112

Switzerland  112

India  102

Hong Kong 999

Israel  101 or 112

Japan   119

Nepal  102

UAE   112

Brazil  192

Costa Rica  911

S. Africa   112, 10 177

China  120

Philippines  117 or 112

Blogs, Building Resilience, Family, Mental/Emotional Health, Parenting, Prevention, Science, Suicide Prevention

Education is Prevention

April 8, 2015

Time after time I see grieving survivors say, “If only I’d know…” and “We had no idea…”

It’s true. Family and friends often have no idea that their loved one was contemplating suicide before a tragedy occurs.

I think there is a misconception that this frequent occurrence means we can’t know…which is rarely true.

An educated eye views things differently than an uneducated one. This is true in all areas.

People sometimes sell art worth millions for a few dollars at a garage sale. The sellers isn’t stupid, he merely has uneducated art eyes.

Doctors sometimes misdiagnose patients because they do not recognize the combination of symptoms the patient is presenting while another doctor, who is familiar with the symptoms, recognizes the problem almost immediately. A local woman came down with flu like symptoms while at Myrtle Beach. The doctors missed that she had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever because it’s not a problem at the beach. She died. Doctors in areas where Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever is more common recognize the symptoms.

There is so much to know in today’s world. No one can know everything. But we can choose to know things that may be highly important to our life long happiness.

I absolutely loved the movie Avatar but in less time than it took me to see it the second time (which was not nearly as good in 3D as it had been in Imax) I could attend this meeting and learn the 40 different warning signs for suicide.

Education is Prevention

In these free Community Suicide Awareness and Prevention meetings attendees will learn:

  • 40 Warning signs that someone may be suicidal
  • 50 Risk Factors that increase the risk of becoming suicidal
  • Protective Factors that are skill based and learnable
  • When to take action
  • What actions to take when it’s time to act

Some of the Risk Factors/Warning Signs will surprise you as they are commonly considered beneficial characteristics.

Why attend these meetings?

  • With educated eyes you can perceive warning signs that you would otherwise miss
  • Over 1,000,000 people attempt suicide in the USA each year
  • About 42,000 people die from suicide each year
  • Local children as young as age 9 have been suicidal
  • 20 – 25% of adults in the US have an episode of depression each year
  • People try to hide their depression because of the stigma associated with mental health issues
  • We can make a difference, education is the first step
  • Suicide is contagious
  • No one ever wants to suffer this loss, but experiencing it when you learn you could have done something that might have changed the outcome is even worse.
  • 1,200 North Carolinians will die from suicide this year, or will they? Education is prevention.

Why am I offering these meetings for free?

  • I’m tired of seeing the lives devastated by preventable suicides
  • Everyone else seems focused on waiting until the crisis occurs to provide prevention. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
  • I’ve saved lives because of the knowledge I share at these meetings, it matters

Meetings are currently scheduled in Huntersville, NC and everyone is welcome to attend.

I am actively seeking:

  • Venues where I can provide these meetings at low/no-cost
  • Groups who would like me to present this life saving information
  • Volunteers to assist with check-in, etc. at the meetings
  • Donations to help defray the cost of the meetings (They can be made through the non-profit I co-founded, Achieve Affinity)
  • Help sharing the availability of these meetings (with your friends/family and media contacts)
  • Your attendance at the meeting

I am willing to travel to provide this information to groups. Please contact me if you would like me to do so.

PS – Do not let yourself believe that suicide could never affect someone you love, or someone they love. If you believe this, ask your family if they know someone who has attempted suicide.

PSS – I, in no way, mean to blame family members or friends who have lost someone to suicide. I am not aware of other any programs that teach the life saving information given in these meetings. If they did not have educated eyes they were not able to help.

Jeanine Joy is the author of Prevent Suicide: The Smart Way and other books focused on Primary Prevention (prevention designed to prevent the problem from ever manifesting). She is the founder of Happiness 1st Institute, Co-Founder of the non-profit, Achieve Affinity and Founder of House of Peace and Love for All.

Blogs, Building Resilience, Events, Health, Mental/Emotional Health, Parenting, Prevention, Speakers, Suicide Prevention

Peace is Possible

April 7, 2015

Guest Post from House of Peace and Love for All

People say to me that there is too much pain in the world for peace to ever come. I know the beauty that resides within each of us and that deep within our heart of hearts we all want to live in harmony.

Our differences are not so much about what we want. Our disagreements are about the best method of achieving common goals.

If we would get to know one another on deeper levels this would be easier to see. With a common goal the disagreements evaporate. If I chose to take one path and someone else chooses another path to the same goal, no disagreement has to exist.

I am blessed to call a wonderful example of someone who has overcome hatred, anger, and fear, my friend. She has a heart that loves and works for greater peace in the world. Her name is Nomanono Isaacs. She is the author of Escaping Apartheid: A Letter to My Mother.

You can hear some of her stirring words in this video:

If you doubt that individuals can find peace because they’ve lived harsh lives, suffered painful loses, and are holding onto anger and resentment, read her book and ask yourself if she can be as she is after what she lived, who could not.

Nomanono is unique and special not because she has a greater capacity to find the love and peace within than others have, but because she allows herself to fulfill more of her potential in that regard. If she can do it, so can others. They simply have to make the effort and open their hearts and minds to the path that will allow them to heal and to feel better.

Are you making excuses to be less than you could be? Why? Are you ready to stop?

If you want help along your way to putting peace in your heart, tune in to our weekly services (or attend them when offered in person). We know the way and are happy to help you increase the peace in the world by putting it in your own heart.

Blissful Blessings be upon you.

Peace is possible.

Minister Joy

Anger - overcoming, Books, Disparate Impact, Diversity Appreciation, Forgiveness, Meaning and Purpose, Media, Mental Toughness, Optimism, Peace, Success, Video's

Overcome Fear

March 28, 2015

Overcome Fear

There is a common saying, Fear = false evidence appearing real. Our programs teach many ways to overcome fear and embrace life more fully so that joy can shine into our lives.

I ran across this little video of a 78 year-old woman who used a unique way to overcome fear of her first airplane ride. It’s quick and fun. I hope you enjoy it.

Facing what we fear makes us stronger.

What do you fear? Let us help you move beyond fear.

Blogs, Building Resilience, Optimism, Stress Relief

Primary Prevention of Heart Disease: Infographic

March 7, 2015

Save Lives Save Money Prevent CVD

Primary Prevention Saves Lives and Saves Money

The six “risk factors” are symptoms. We must treat the root cause to achieve wellness.

Primary Prevention of Heart Disease

We spend billions each year fighting symptoms of heart disease (cardiovascular disease) while we ignore the root cause. Just like when you chop a tree down above the ground, when you treat the symptoms, it comes back. Science has clearly demonstrated the root cause in myriad ways but the old paradigm hasn’t changed. Until we change our focus to the real root cause of almost all illness and social problems, people will continue to suffer and die unnecessarily. 

To learn more read: TRUE Prevention–Optimum Health: Remember Galileo

To learn how to address the root cause in your own life (or that of your family or employees) contact Happiness 1st Institute about classes or register for one of the classes offered.

The Premier Programs all include a Money back Guarantee for individuals.

Think about how we view those in history who had all the evidence before them about something that would have helped them and ignored it. Well, when we ignore this, that is exactly what we are doing.

Wishing you a long, healthy and happy life.

                                Jeanine Joy

PS-Check out the other Infographics posted on this site for more information on how each of the so-called risk factors are actually symptoms–symptoms that all have the same root cause!

 

Blogs, Business, Employee Wellness, Health, Infographics, Prevention, Science, Stress Relief

Curiosity is a Super Power

February 14, 2015

Curiosity is a Super Power

Sometimes, when someone comes into a conversation I’m having halfway through, they think I’m crazy or that the world I visualize will never exist but generally, if I can begin at the beginning with someone whose mind is not so closed to possibilities that a crow bar is needed to open it up enough for a breath of fresh air to blow through, I can lead them, step-by-step through the very logical steps to the point where they can see it too.

For quite a while after I realized that I had figured out each step and that there were no more missing bridges between what we know and a world beyond what most believe we could ever create I questioned why it was me. Like always, when I ask a question continuously, the answer comes. I remember the excitement I felt, to the core of my Being, when I saw an Einstein quote, “I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.” Now, I’d always thought of Einstein as a genius of the greatest magnitude and revered his mind. When I saw this quote, it resonated with me because it said exactly what I felt about myself. I had a burning question, “What makes humans thrive?” that I sought clear answers to for more than a decade. Each piece of the puzzle gave me greater clarity and created many related questions that I sought answers to.

I had not seen my journey as allowing my inner, curious child to explore. I had seen it as more important and more serious than that because the journey began by knowing how much difference resilience could make in a life and a keen desire to help others become more resilient. When I began this journey I had no idea that the same root cause would improve every area of life or the far reaching consequences it could have not just for individuals, but also for society. If I had, I am sure I would have thought myself incapable of finding the answers or helping the world see the light of truth. But a funny thing happens when you learn things that will help someone else, your motivation to give that information to others, to help them thrive more becomes an insatiable desire–a desire of the best kind–because when I satisfy my desire I help others.

I came across this little video today and for those who can’t imagine the world I am sure is possible, I hope it might help you see that it may be more possible than you realize today. There is a saying that when the student is ready the teacher appears. I want to help everyone, especially those who aren’t thriving, but until the student is ready I can’t help. What is required to be ready? A willingness to ask “What if…” and “Could this be true?” instead of a mind that is closed to the possibilities.

Blogs, Building Resilience, Employee Engagement, Increasing Happiness, Peace, Science, Video's

Chapel Hill Shootings

February 11, 2015

Chapel Hill Shootings

I am currently taking a Positive Psychology course with Dr. Barbara Fredrickson at UNC-Chapel Hill. I made the following post in our class forum but wanted to share it here as well.

This news is so sad. Every life has value and at any point someone can begin contributing enormously to society. It sounds as if those the world lost were already doing that and there is no reason to believe they would not have continued to do so for decades. The magnitude of loss, of their young lives and the potential good they would have done, saddens me enormously. It also saddens me that this may increase the feeling of those who share the faith of the deceased that the world is not always friendly to those of their faith. I want my voice to be one they hear that says for me, that is not at all the case. I am not at all religious but I am 100% spiritual. I have no doubts about the existence of God, I just see no reason to attempt to impose my faith on others. I’ve met many Muslims here in the US and in my travels around the world. They are as human as everyone else, as valuable as everyone else, and as welcome in my world as everyone else. I believe most of the world believes this.

The man who is in custody was obviously not living in a positive emotional state. Behavior and emotion are inexplicably linked. There are other variables but happy people do not do the types of things he did. Allow this to reinforce your desire to find and sustain as much positive emotions in yourself as possible and for those who wish to help others, allow it to reinforce the importance of this work. Because of the tie between behavior and emotion I truly do not believe there is any more important work to be done–especially when you consider the health and mental health benefits that are also linked to positive emotions.

Today the world ignores this link and I believe that when we begin consciously recognizing it we will be able to predict those at risk of this sort of behavior with more ease and develop interventions to prevent them. I believe that teaching children, from a young age, how to develop and maintain more positive emotions will prevent so much that we do not want in the world.

Just as Candy Lightner created MADD to make sense of a tragedy, we can use this to increase our impetus to create a better world for all. Together we have more than enough power to create the momentum required to effect great positive changes. We cannot change what happened but we can give it meaning that feels better than that of a senseless tragedy by using it to fuel our desire and work toward building a better world.

My condolences go to not just the family, but the world, because the loss of these young individuals is a loss to the world.

Namaste,

Jeanine

For those of you who are reading this on LinkedIn or my Website, I urge you to gain skills to achieve and sustain positive emotional states. It matters.

Blogs, Crime Prevention, Mental/Emotional Health, Peace, Prevention

A Happier Huffington?

February 7, 2015

I was delighted to read Arianna Huffington’s post this weekend about how the Huffington Post changed its policies to present the news in a more balanced light.

A Happier Huffington is welcome news.

I’ve written several times about the fact that the news does not report to inform, but to get ratings, in several posts on LinkedIn and on my website, Happiness1st.com, including this post on how worry is killing you–unnecessary worry. Research in the past showed the media that ratings improve when people are frightened. I’ve seen the direct research and Bernard Goldberg’s 2002 book, Bias: A CBS Insider Exposes How the Media Distort the News, clearly describes the bias inherent in media reporting.

Despite the well documented bias, most people say they watch the news to stay informed, not consciously recognizing that the news is very skewed toward the negative. There are far more things that go right in this world every moment than those that go wrong. The predominant view seems to be that the news provides an accurate portrayal of the reality of our world–a view that is factually inaccurate.

In my writing, I’ve been doing my best to educate individuals and organizations about the benefits of positivity and detriments of negativity (pessimism). Our bodies function far better when we are positively focused–so much so that positively focused individuals live, on average, 10 years longer and enjoy 18 healthier years because the debilitating end of life diseases come much sooner to negatively focused individuals.

Doesn’t make sense, you say? That is only because the research on how positivity and negativity affects the body has not reached mainstream awareness yet. The sooner the better, if you ask me. Our bio-physical processes are directly affected by our mood. Immune function, cognitive function, digestive function, mental health, and neurological function are all optimized by a positive emotional state and become dysfunctional when an individual experiences more negative emotions.

In my first non-fiction book, True Prevention–Optimum Health: Remember Galileo, I detail the link between health and emotional state and provide techniques that help individuals change to a more positive focus. In my first novel, Shades of Joy, I write at length about the potential for class action attorney’s to find fertile ground using the negative bias of the news and the known detrimental effects of negativity–which are worse than the impact of smoking cigarettes. Shades of Joy is currently with the editor and will be out later this year. I have been attempting to get legislators to introduce a safe harbor against such suits contingent on the media no longer taking advantage of the negative bias and providing public service announcements to educate the public about positivity and programs that teach the public how to benefit from the new knowledge.

Stress and happiness are two ends of the same continuum. In this post, I wrote about the potential liability to employers from this knowledge, which it can be argued they should know. I think the media has a similar potential liability.

Apparently the old paradigm about negative news selling, “If it bleeds, it leads,” has a flaw in an era when sharing of stories has a tremendous effect on their reach. New research has shown that we share more stories that make us feel good than those that make us feel bad. That is good news all around. As far as I know, Arianna Huffington is the first major news supplier to recognize this and adjust the policies of her organization to fit the new paradigm better. I hope others follow her lead.

 

Blogs, Employee Wellness, Increasing Happiness, Prevention

Public Health Manipulation?

February 6, 2015

Public Health Manipulation?

While researching my upcoming book, Become More Resilient: The Smart Way, I came across some research that I find quite disturbing.

The research was attempting to determine the reason for optimistic bias and whether or not it could be eliminated by increasing the subjects information about the risk, for example, the risk of getting cancer.

They theorized that in order to get people to do the preventative behaviors that would lower their risk, they had to reduce their optimistic bias. In order to do that, they wanted to determine if the reason for optimism was to reduce anxiety, to maintain self-esteem, or to maintain a positive emotional state.

What they did not consider in this misguided attempt was that positively focused individuals (optimists) have a lower risk of cancer. If you take the total risk of the population and ask an optimist to accept that risk as his or her own, it would be an overestimation of the individual risk. Why?

Research has shown that the presence of positive emotions has a beneficial impact on the bio-chemical function of our bodies. Specifically,

  • Improved immune function
  • Improved cognitive function
  • Increased likelihood of making good decisions about behaviors (diet, exercise, alcohol, etc.)
  • Improved digestive function

The very health promoting behaviors the researchers want more of are more likely to be done by those who feel positive emotion than those who are pessimistic, stressed, or in negative emotional states.

Their idea of making people feel less optimistic, which would lower the degree to which they feel positive emotions, flies in the face of strong evidence that demonstrates that positive emotions provide a protective effect against chronic illness and dread diseases. The improved immune function translates directly into a lower risk of cancer, which is supported by the evidence. The presence of positive emotions reduces the risk of heart disease (the #1 cause of death worldwide) at least 50% and some newer research is showing 70%.

Negative emotions have been shown to reduce the likelihood of an individual engaging in health promoting behaviors. Even individuals who know exercise is good for them and will make them feel better readily admit that they forgo their usual exercise routine when they feel too stressed. Food choices vary by mood, which negative emotion highly correlated to the less healthy choices. Alcohol and drug use are the method of choice for millions who do not have the skills necessary to reduce their level of stress (negative emotions).

In addition to being misguided for the above reason, the research was not considering the underlying cause of optimism and pessimism. The questions they asked were never going to address individual differences. Optimism (and pessimism) are the result of habits of thought individuals developed and then continue to repeat throughout life (unless they elect to deliberately change their habits). Thoughts are influenced by underlying beliefs about the self, others, and the world combined with the way the individual perceived past experiences. The number of unique permutations possible cannot be accurately modeled in a simple theory of reducing anxiety, maintaining self-esteem, or maintaining a positive emotional state.

Every individual has unique beliefs about every topic. For example, with respect to one’s mother, there will be beliefs that pertain to Mom and money, Mom and food, Mom and shopping, Mom and education, Mom and alcohol, Mom and cleanliness, Mom and family, Mom and other siblings, Mom and transportation, Mom and flowers. The list is endless. An individual may feel good about some of the beliefs about Mom, and bad about others.

How you feel about each of those topics depends on the perspective you take. If Mom was very frugal you may feel guilty when you buy anything that you do not consider necessary—even if you are able to easily afford luxuries. There are many ways to handle every scenario. You could behave frugally, not enjoying the prosperity available to you to avoid the guilt. Some people self-sabotage their career or investments so they do not have enough funds to violate this internalized rule about frugality. There are dozens of ways to handle this underlying belief but the best way is to develop a belief that serves your highest good. That’s easy—when you know how. Attempting to understand why any individual behaves in a specific way is not easy, or necessary.

Human behavior cannot be understood in a simple construct with three reasons for optimism. My own optimism comes from a variety of perspectives—and deliberate conscious choices. First, maintaining a positive state of mind is important to me because I want to feel good. But I also know that doing so is the absolutely best thing I can do for my health and my relationships. I developed skills that enable me to do this very well on a consistent basis regardless of circumstances. I also found a solid platform for healthy self-esteem, one that does not require defense against attacks and that does not place my worth or value above that of any other—but also not less than any other.

The details, the thoughts that support a positive emotional state vary widely depending on the circumstances focused on in any given moment. We think about 60,000 thoughts each day. Each thought results in an emotional response that either feels better, worse, or the same as the prior thought felt. To attempt to classify 60,000 thoughts into three buckets and derive meaningful and useful information from it is an exercise in futility.

Citations for the statistics in this article are included in True Prevention—Optimum Health: Remember Galileo. Many of them are also in other blogs on my website.

Jeanine Joy teaches others how to develop beliefs that create sustainable positive emotions. Her programs increase resilience, optimism, happiness, self-esteem, internal locus of control, and help them develop supportive relationships. Her programs are available for organizations, schools, and individuals.

Benefits, Blogs, Building Resilience, Mental/Emotional Health, Prevention, Science

OHIO State WINS Championship against the Ducks 42-20 E + R = O Wristband Effect?

January 13, 2015

Ohio State Wins   **** OSU Wins  ***** Buckeyes Win

Ohio State is the only team in College Football with a regular positivity coach. How much did that have to do with their winning record this year?

If it had been a regular year the effect of intensive positivity training might be able to be dismissed but as a Wolverine fan first and a BIG10 fan second, I’m impressed with our rival this year. Not just because they won the championship—but because they won the championship despite the injuries suffered during this season.

Even before the season began Braxton Miller was taken off the roster due to a season ending shoulder injury. Braxton Miller was the BIG10 Player of the Year two years in a row so losing him is something that might have given a blow to morale.

But OSU came out rockin’ and rollin’ this year. Going into the last game of the regular season, against their rival the University of Michigan Wolverines on the Saturday after Thanksgiving they had another blow—a teammate was missing on senior day and no one knew where he was. Cardale Jones was the back-up quarterback to the back-up. I was in the stands at Horseshoe stadium when J.T. Barrett broke his ankle. No one there anticipated that a young back-up would be able to win the game—a game where the Wolverines surprised the Buckeyes by making it a real game that was tied at halftime. I was amazed at how well the team played when Kosta was missing and J.T. Barrett was injured. All the fans around me were surprised that the team maintained its equanimity.

Before the next game, the national semi-finals they had to bury their teammate, Kosta Karageorge. With their 3rd string quarterback the Buckeyes demolished Alabama.

What effect does positivity have on success?

It makes all the difference.

Positivity causes physical, mental, and behavioral changes in our bodies that help us function well. Our cognitive abilities are better when we are positively focused, we are more resilient, we make better decisions, and our immune function is better.

Their young 3rd string seems unflappable. (it’s really difficult to call Cardale Jones 3rd string because he’s done a 1st string job since the moment J.T. Barrett’s ankle broke) During the Championship game  an announcer said Cardale told him he does not let bad plays get to him, he just keeps going. The announcer’s response was he did not know if that was false bravado or if Jones just did not know any better. But it’s neither. It is possible to train the mind not to allow things to bother you, not through suppression which is unhealthy, but by taking perspectives that support success.

It’s not just the team. Coach Myers is outwardly more in control of his emotions, even during a fumble.

If you read what the greatest thinkers of all ages have written, positivity is encouraged. It is encouraged by philosophers, by the scriptures of at least a half dozen major religions, by Einstein.

What could your team do if they had intense positivity training? Not a simple speech or posters that tell you to think positive but don’t tell you how, but a real intense program and ongoing support like those offered by Happiness 1st Institute? A program that goes to the root cause of optimism and pessimism and equips individuals with tools that allow them to develop habits of thought that give them a real advantage?

OSU’s positivity coach has taught the team that Event plus Response equals Outcome and says a successful reaction is a skill that can be taught. I agree. Teaching people how to have a beneficial reaction that leads to the outcomes they desire is my passion.

They have the championship under their belts now but they have something even more important–skills that lead to success. Zig Ziglar, Napoleon Hill, and others all the way back to Aristotle, the scriptures of all major religions, and countless others throughout history have encouraged positive thinking.

Here are some of my other articles on positive thinking:

Psychology: What You Don’t Know Will Hurt You

Employee Happiness Isn’t Your Responsibility. But Should It Be Your Goal?

Stress Kills:Happiness Heals

Is Happiness Wrong?

Happiness and Stress Are Opposite Ends of the Same Continuum

No Matter Where You Go, There You Are

Here are some quotes on positive thinking you may enjoy:

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world. ~ Buddha

The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large. ~ Confucius

Positive thinking will let you use the ability which you have, and that is awesome.
Zig Ziglar

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. ~ William James (considered the father of psychology)

Blogs, Building Resilience

What Do Lack of Employee Engagement, Altruism, Volunteerism have in Common?

January 7, 2015

What Do Lack of Employee Engagement, Altruism, Volunteerism have in Common?

They are all symptoms of the same root cause.

Our behavior is closely connected to our emotional state. Almost every beneficial behavior increases when an individual feels good emotionally and worsens when the individual feels less than positive emotions.

Our chronic emotional state, which is our dominant emotional state, affects how we perceive the world around us. Below our conscious level of awareness, the inputs from our senses are sorted and only some of the information is passed to our conscious mind. Our senses receive so much information the filtering process is necessary. Much of the information is irrelevant. If you continuously felt every place your clothes touch you skin, it would make it difficult to think about other things.

These filters make a lot of decisions before we are even aware the information is available–deciding what to send to the conscious mind and what not to send. One filter is based on how we feel emotionally. There is more than one filter that uses emotion. Your current mood is the basis of one filter. Have you ever noticed that when you’re angry you suddenly remember other things you were angry about in the past that are like the thing you are currently angry about–things you haven’t thought about in a while.

Another filter is based on your chronic emotional state. Your chronic emotional state is simply the emotional state you’re often in. Some people might even consider it their personality–it isn’t, but it can seem that way because our chronic state is based on habits of thought that most people do not change throughout life. We even have archetypes, such as the Drama Queen that represent a chronic emotional state characterized by frustration, irritation, impatience, being overwhelmed and frequent disappointments.

Because of the filtering process, someone who is frequently frustrated will focus on areas of life that are frustrating while ignoring areas that would be easy to appreciate. Likewise, someone who is frequently angry will focus on things that make her angry–even when there is much to appreciate in her environment. Someone who is frequently in a state of appreciation will focus on things he appreciates and be less aware of things that would make him frustrated or angry.

Engagement

Being engaged at work requires interest in and a desire to do the work with a positive attitude. Someone whose filters are continually highlighting less than positive aspects about their job, their performance, their boss, their co-workers, and the company they work for will find it difficult to be engaged at work. Even when the company makes an effort to make sure they provide a good work environment, the employee’s filters continue to primarily highlight the negative more than the positive.

The recent economic downturn shifted a lot of people who were more fearful than usual during the downturn, to a lower chronic emotional state. At that same time, many companies had to ask employees to do more with less. It is not surprising that Gallup is reporting low employee engagement numbers worldwide. In Gallup’s most recent report only 30% of American workers were engaged, 20% were actively disengaged and 50% were not engaged. The annual cost estimated by Gallup for the actively disengaged workers lack of engagement was 450-550 billion dollars.

Better Managers

Gallup’s recommendation include improving management but even a wonderful manager will not be perceived as wonderful by an employee whose filtering system is highlighting the worse–or interpreting the manager’s words and actions in a negative way.

Praise of an employee’s work is easily received by an individual who is in a state of appreciation. Praise the work of an employee who is chronically frustrated and the employee may misinterpret it to mean you’re getting ready to ask for things that are frustration (buttering up instead of honest praise). The manager cannot control this. The emotionally intelligent manager may be more aware of what is happening and able to get through the filters for some frustrated employees some of the time–but it is the hard way of going about it.

Also, managers have the same sorts of brains with their own filtering system. Many of them were affected by the economic downturn.

It is not just the people who were directly affected whose chronic emotional state slid lower. The level of fear rose in many people who never experienced negative economic impacts from the downturn.

Altruism and Volunteerism

Countries with low employee engagement also report low rates of altruism and volunteerism. Researchers have already linked good corporate citizenship, altruistic behavior, volunteerism, and kindness to strangers to positive mood. Researchers have found that when people feel good, they do good. Being kind can also promote a sense of community, which is known to increase engagement.

When someone does something nice for someone else, more kind behavior is inspired by feelings of gratitude.

There is some evidence linking guilt to positive behavior and some charities attempt to guilt donors into giving but this is not recommended because guilt causes stress that is associated with negative health outcomes. Guilt is more about restoring a perceived imbalance -1 + 1 = 0, a zero sum game. Whereas pure altruism adds value to the world.

Intrinsic Motivation

Intrinsic motivation is one of the reasons employee engagement is so beneficial to employers. Positive mood is associated with greater intrinsic motivation.

The Effect of Resilience

We all know that one person can remain engaged even under the most trying of circumstances while others engagement rapidly declines when stressors are present. Resilience is a critical trait in the workforce. Without resilience employees will not function well when something makes them lose their mental-emotional balance. No one can control what happens to them during their life, marriages fail, loved ones die, people become ill and require care or perseverance to get through difficult treatments, business struggle and sometimes our fears about safety, for ourselves, our family and even our country seem eminent. The ability to bounce back and function in the aftermath of such events is crucial.

Every business continuity plan requires employees to be able to act. If the employees are not resilient, some of them will not meet the challenges. Resilience is a skill that can be built in advance–a skill that increases when positivity is increased.

Employee Wellness

Another area that Gallup links to increased engagement is higher levels of employee wellness. That is no surprise to me because wellness goals are far more likely to be achieved in the positively focused individual.

I’ve already outlined the link between chronic stress, positivity, and wellness program outcomes in The Key Ingredient Your Corporate Wellness Program is Missing and a few other articles (links below) so I won’t elaborate on them here. Increasing positivity improves the root cause of wellness. For a full discussion, see my book TRUE Prevention–Optimum Health: Remember Galileo.

The Root Cause

The root cause of engagement, altruism, volunteerism, intrinsic motivation and resilience can be traced directly to chronic emotional stance. With the right skills and tools, improving chronic emotional state is easy. It is a new approach to engagement and wellness. Prepare for results that exceed expectations.

Twenty years of cross disciplinary research has gone into developing and fine tuning our methods. The early adopters will achieve significant advantages over their slower competitors. There is nothing to lose and much to gain. We offer a free consultation to businesses and for individuals, our premier programs come with a money back guarantee. Call today for a better tomorrow.

***

Jeanine Joy is an author, speaker, and CEO focused on improving human thriving. For techniques on defusing stressful thoughts so you can relax and enjoy life more, try one of my books or programs. Also watch for a book focused on optional aspects of aging and not taking those options. It may be late 2015 or 2016 before that one is out but it will address this issue in more detail.

Please consider sharing this information with your network. If you found it valuable, they may also find value in what I have written.

I wish for you many blissings. (Blissings = blissful blessings)

About : Jeanine Joy Jeanine Joy is an inspiring and life-changing author, speaker, and scholar. The purpose of her life is to seek out knowledge that increases human thriving, create explanations and processes that provide practical ways for individuals adopt strategies that enhance their lives. Her programs, books, and speeches empower people to fulfill their dreams and enjoy more loving, happy, and successful lives. Her ultimate goal is to help create a better world for everyone on Earth.

Available Now

Coming in 2015

 

Blogs, Building Resilience, Business, Employee Happiness

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Placebo and Nocebo Effect – The Scientific Evidence

December 28, 2014

Our bodies have great wisdom and the more we trust them, the better they are able to fulfill this function.

[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWQfe__fNbs[/embedyt]

What we believe about our ability to heal affects whether or not we actually heal. What begins in the mind, happens in the body.

Feeling as if someone cares makes a difference.

Listen to the statistics for optimists. At Happiness 1st Institute, we give you tools that enable you to become an optimist and sustain optimistic mindsets even during stressful situations. 

Natural self-repair mechanisms do not work when we are stressed.

The emotional guidance system is what Dr. Rankin refers to as the Inner Pilot Light. We teach our students how to correctly interpret its messages.

 

 

Benefits, Blogs, Health, Increasing Happiness, Video's

Stress Reduction after Trauma

December 28, 2014

During trauma, whether it is personal or happens to a community or a nation, stress reduction is very important. However, western therapy depends on a relationship of trust between a therapist and the patient. During a widespread traumatic event (such as 9/11) there is not time to develop that trust and even when therapists are available, they may not be the first choice of those who would benefit from stress reduction.

This video discusses an alternative method, a method taught at AWES International Educational Institute and provided to patients by AWES International Member Companies.

[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmcYeNxUS1Y[/embedyt]

Although this is a dose dependent method of stress reduction, its passive nature makes it effective quickly in a crisis situation. Building resilience in advance prepares individuals to handle bad situations.

Blogs, Stress Relief, Video's

Stress Interferes with the Ability to Heal

December 28, 2014

Stress slows healingI am honored to serve with Dr. Ken Carter on the Board of Directors of AWES International (Academy for Wellness, Education, and Services).

I was watching these video’s where he was featured on an episode of Dr. on Call. During the show he spoke about how stress interferes with the healing process and he always begins healing with stress reduction.

If you’ve read our other posts or used our services, you know that Happiness 1st Institute provides training in stress reduction that are not dose dependent because once the techniques become habits the response individuals have to life simply do not generate as much stress.

Dr. Carter’s techniques are very helpful for immediate relief by those who are stressed. We also recommend learning practical techniques that lower the level of daily stress.

[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eVG5C3sM1Y[/embedyt] [embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81Y5QrDYR5g[/embedyt]

Blogs, Stress Relief, Video's

How Fast is Worry Killing You?

December 24, 2014

How fast is worry killing you?

Worrying causes stress. You could say worry is a form of self-induced stress. When you feel negative emotion of any type, it creates stress in your body. Worry can be a slight worry, such as a worry about whether you left the coffee pot on as you drive to work or it can be a continuous concern for the welfare of those you love.

When you worry, as soon as you feel worried, a bio-chemical change occurs in your body. These changes affect every aspect of your body, including your immune system, cognitive function, central nervous system, and digestive function to name a few. This creates a pathway for illness and disease.

The digestive function disruption, when it is continually disrupted with chronic stress from any source, including habitual worrying, becomes dysregulate greatly increasing the risks of obesity and diabetes and lowering its ability to deliver nutrition from the foods you eat to your body.

The effect on your immune system is worse. Your incidence of cold and flu will not only be more frequent, the episodes will be more severe. But that is just the tip of the iceberg. The risk from cancer and even Alzheimer’s increases as immune function declines. An attitude of positive expectation reduces the risk of developing heart disease by 50% (Boehm, 2012). The risk of other diseases also increases.

Why do you worry? What is worry? In many cases worry is a lack of trust. In many cases it is not a conscious lack of trust, but a habitual one. For example, if you worry about the welfare of your child when he or she is not with you, perhaps your young adult child, where you have no control over the outcome you may believe your worry is love, but it is really indicating that you do not trust your child to take care of him or herself. That worry may make the child doubt him or herself, lowering self-esteem, which increases the risk of becoming a victim.

Additionally, this child you love may someday die earlier for two reasons. Today the research linking the detrimental effects of chronic stress, including chronic worry are not widely known. They are known in the halls of academia where the research has been found, but the public has not yet embraced this new knowledge that changes the way we look at healthy behavior. But if you’re worrying about a twenty-something year-old, he or she will someday understand that your early demise was partially because of worry you did about his or her welfare. Now, an emotionally healthy person will realize that she was not responsible for how you thought about her, and whether you trusted her to do what was best for herself. But if that level of emotional intelligence is not achieved, he may feel guilty about how much you worried on his behalf. Guilt is another negative emotion, one that if it is chronic, will cause the same bio-chemical chain reaction described above for worrying. Thus, your habit of worrying has the potential to rob not only you of years of healthy life, but also rob the person you are worrying about.

Now, let’s consider a major cause of worry—projecting things we see reported on the news as likely scenario’s for us or are loved ones. Is this a valid concern? Yes, to the extent that bad things happen in the world. No as far as the likelihood that they will happen to someone you love. For example, most parents worry about their child being abducted by a stranger. The risk of this is 1 out of 1.5 million children. A woman I am citing in my upcoming book, Stress Kills:Happiness Heals, figured out that a child would have to be left outside unattended for 750,000 years in order to make the risk 1 out of 1. Why do we fear this so much?

Most of us believe the media is here to inform us of life during our times. But the truth is that the media did research to see what makes viewers watch more. How does the media make money? Ratings, based on the number of viewers. What is their job? It is to get good ratings. Nowhere in that job description is there anything about informing us. If that were their goal, they might report how many millions of people made it home tonight and every night instead of scouring the planet for the worst of human experience and piping it into our homes.

Look behind the veil and see that when the media pushes that into your living room, they are doing their job, because the research showed that frightened viewers watch more news.

Remember, the first thought you have and the emotional response you have to the thought does not mean the thought is true or even likely. Negative emotion only means that the perspective of the thought is different from what is desired from the situation. The emotion does not give the potential greater validity, unless and until you let it take root.

Now, I’m not saying tragedies don’t happen. But the likelihood of one happening to you or your loved ones is extremely small. The likelihood of you having negative health outcomes from habitual worry is large.

Worry is not love. As stated earlier, worry indicates a lack of trust.

There are other factors at work here as well. When you continually worry about someone, it can diminish their confidence. Research into who criminals choose as victims shows that a lack of confidence greatly increases the risk of becoming a victim.

Is your loved one of such low intelligence that he cannot make good decisions about where to go and who to go with?

Or is your loved one just as concerned about her own wellbeing as you are and consciously making good decisions that make her safer?

Remember, the survival instinct is strong in each of us almost all the time. There are some exceptions when life feels too difficult, but that is often more a lack of resilience than a truly horrific life. My recent book, Prevent Suicide: The Smart Way increases resilience, a strong protective factor against suicide. But outside the arena of suicide (which is a temporary state of mind that will pass if given the opportunity to do so), we all have a strong natural self-preservation instinct. Combine intelligence, some common sense and this survival instinct and the risk we won’t always make it home safely is very small.

There is another pathway that being distrusted can lead to increased risk. It does not feel good when you aren’t trusted—even when the distrust manifests as worry. This can lower self-esteem and also mood, both of which are risk factors that make it more likely someone will drink and/or experiment with drugs. These will increase the risk of something to worry about happening, but the root is not the drinking or drugs, it is the lack of trust that made the person seek solace in those things.

It’s Christmas Eve. Many families will be gathered today. Many families whose conversations do not go very deep. Oh, they love one another, but they don’t know one another. Instead of worry, show your loved ones love and trust. Let them know that you’ve been misled by the media and maybe also by your own experiences in the world you lived in at their age, or the naiveté you had at their age, but you’re now going to do your best to trust more and worry less.

If you’re worried that someone is at risk, instead of worrying, take action. Tell them you are worried and that it is your life experience and your personal history and habits of thought that make you worry but they could help you overcome that by sharing with them what they do to protect themselves.

If a relative were to ask me that I would be happy to share the multitude of ways I manage my life and actions to be safe, from locking my doors to planning where I go and when I go, to wearing sensible shoes if I am out alone, to being aware of my surroundings, etc. You may be surprised at younger ladies, many of them seldom go anywhere alone, partly for social reasons but I think also because they feel more comfortable having a friend along.

Have real conversations—not surface ones. It will build stronger relationships which research shows improves your health.

 

Blogs, Mental/Emotional Health, Parenting, Relationships, Stress Relief

Radio Show Guest Appearance: Advocacy Heals U January 6, 2015 2 pm EST

December 18, 2014

Advocacy Heals U

Radio Show on Tuesday January 6th and re-play on Saturday

Broadcast is archived Advocacy Heals U Radio Show. Listen any time.

Tragedies can happen to anyone at anytime. No one is immune from this possibility.

Everyone has the ability to decide how to deal with the aftermath of tragedy. Some people decide they can never again be happy–and they aren’t. Some try to forget and use alcohol or drugs or other addictions to try to ease their pain, which leads to more pain. Some people give up.

But others thrive. They experience what is termed Post Traumatic Growth (PTG). PTG is the opposite of PTSD in many ways.

Surviving is not enough. It is not why you were born or why you live. You can thrive no matter what has gone before.

What makes the difference between the two? It really comes down to choice of perception. Now, to be fair, most people don’t understand they have control over their perspective. For some reason (something I am working hard to change) our society does not teach this critical life skill.

By choosing perspectives that feel better we are able to function. By choosing the perspectives that feel best, we become instruments of change and thrive in ways no one would have anticipated or expected prior to our going through the tragedy.

Making the choice to make meaning out of the nonsensical is the only choice that leads to thriving.

Chronic stress has negative effects on immune function, digestive function, cognitive abilities and other physical functions of the body. It also increases relationship difficulties.

There are ways to lower stress even when you can’t change circumstances. I am pleased that I will be on Joni Aldrich and Chris Jerry’s radio show, Advocacy Heals U, Tuesday January 6th at 2 p.m. Eastern allowing me to share some techniques those who are suffering can use to ease their burden. Please join us if you can. If you’re not able to listen on Tuesday, there will be a replay. The details are noted below.

I’m having a guest appearance on ADVOCACY HEALS U with show host and author Joni Aldrich and Chris Jerry on Tuesday, January 6th, 2:00-2:50 p.m. ESTwww.W4WN.com(Women 4 Women Network) and www.W4CS.com (Cancer Support Network). No downloads or Apps needed to listen. (If you miss it, catch the rebroadcast on the Sat. after the show at 4:00 p.m. EST on both networks.)

All shows are archived on iHeartRadio.com.

If you, or a friend or co-worker, have endured a tragedy please share this with them. The techniques I’ll share during the show can help ease their burden

Jeanine Joy understands what helps humans thrive. She is the Founder ofHappiness 1st Institute, Co-Founder of Achieve Affinity, and a Member of the Board of Directors of AWES International and the AWES Foundation.

Her research into understanding what creates resilience, good physical, mental, and emotional health, and strong relationships yielded answers. Drawing from many scientific disciplines and philosophies including positive psychology, sociology, quantum physics, psychoneuroimmunology and other sciences as they relate to what cultivates human thriving, she developed practical steps that empower individuals and organizations to thrive more. Because her focus addresses the root cause of human thriving, the benefits of her techniques extend into every area of life—making even difficult situations easier.

Her focus is on building strengths that are known to protect individuals from undesired outcomes and helping them overcome existing problems. Her work emphasizes what could go right and helps individuals create more thriving in their own lives.

She is the author of two books, True Prevention—Optimum Health: Remember Galileo and Prevent Suicide: The Smart Way and she also contributed toPerspectives on Coping and Resilience.

Building Resilience, Mental/Emotional Health, Radio Shows

Are Erectile Dysfunction Commercials causing ED? Nocebo Effect.

December 17, 2014

[l2g name=”” id=”901″]The erectile dysfunction commercials are spreading misinformation that may be harming you.

I think most people are familiar with the term placebo. It is a beneficial effect from what the taker believes is a drug but is in reality a sugar pill. The placebo effect represents the mind-body influence from the belief that the pill is a drug and is beneficial.

The mind-body effect can be beneficial (placebo) or adverse (nocebo).

There are documented cases of the mind-body connection causing harm up to and including death. There have been a number of documented cases where someone was diagnosed as terminally ill with a short time to live and after the person died as expected, the autopsy showed the person had been misdiagnosed and did not have any physically determinable cause of death.

When Mom would kiss your boo-boo to make it better, that was a placebo effect.

There are literally books written documenting placebo and nocebo effect as well as research in the literature at many Universities.

I do not watch a lot of television but I do watch Blue Bloods. Tonight they had a commercial for an ED drug at least twice during the show during which they quoted a statistic that I believe is blatantly false and if not blatantly false, relayed in a very misleading way. The commercial states that half of men over age 40 have ED.

That sort of information can have a very negative effect if the man begin expecting problems with ED. There is a lot of research that shows that your expectations about age affect how you age. Individuals who perceive aging in a positive light, using words like experience, wisdom, etc. age better than those who associate words like decline, weakness, etc. with aging.

There are consistent reports in the research of negative expectation causing negative outcome as it relates to both health and aging in general.

I’ve seen other research that has indicated that intimacy in the 40’s, 50’s and beyond is better. Children are getting older (if they aren’t gone) so there is less risk they will interrupt and they are out of the house with greater frequency. Other research has talked about the benefit of no longer worrying about pregnancy at older ages.

I urge you to turn the volume off when these commercials come on. Or, if you happen to hear this message, immediately tell yourself you won’t be one of the ones that needs a little purple pill. If you believe you’ll need it, you probably will. Belief has a powerful influence over mind and body.

There is nothing wrong with help if you need it, but there is no reason to let yourself fall into their attempts to make you believe it is inevitable.

Also, do not allow a single incident convince you that you have a problem. Many factors beyond age can impact function including stress, illness, alcohol, drugs, fatigue, and relationship discord. You will be better served by attributing it to a temporary issue. If your immediate reaction is that your glory days are over you’ll probably need the purple pill.

The absolute best foreplay is appreciating your partner.

This is not the only commercial I’ve heard that plants seeds of weeds in the mind. It is easy to prevent its growth if you do it right away and refute the applicability of their message to you. If you wait until it has developed roots it will be more difficult to convince yourself that it was a temporary problem.

What you believe matters. Do your best to believe what will give you the best possible life.

For techniques on defusing stressful thoughts so you can relax and enjoy life more, try one of my books or programs. Also watch for a book focused on optional aspects of aging and not taking those options. It may be late 2015 or 2016 before that one is out but it will address this issue in more detail.

I really appreciate that you are reading my post and hope it provided value to you. On LinkedIn, I regularly write about Happiness, Stress Reduction, Human Thriving, Primary Prevention, Health and Wellness, and more. If you would like to read my regular posts then please click ‘Follow’ (at the top of the page) and feel free to also connect with me via Twitter, Facebook and Goodreads. Please consider sharing this information with your network. If you found it valuable, they may also find value in what I have written.

Here are other posts I have written for LinkedIn Pulse:

I wish for you many blissings. (Blissings = blissful blessings)

About : Jeanine Joy Jeanine Joy is an inspiring and life-changing author, speaker, and scholar. The purpose of her life is to seek out knowledge that increases human thriving, create explanations and processes that provide practical ways for individuals adopt strategies that enhance their lives. Her programs, books, and speeches empower people to fulfill their dreams and enjoy more loving, happy, and successful lives. Her ultimate goal is to help create a better world for everyone on Earth.

Available Now

Coming in 2015

Blogs, Health, Science

Are You A Caregiver

December 15, 2014

Listen to the upcoming radio show (or a recording of it). Recording available on Caregiver SOS on iHeart radio.

A Caregiver is often under an extra stress load.

There are two types of caregivers, unpaid (usually family members) and paid professional caregivers.

Caregivers assist others with activities of daily living they can no longer do or that they struggle to do. It can include something as simple as food preparation to full care including bathing and other hygiene as well as spoon feeding.

Caregiving can be physically taxing and emotionally difficult creating chronic stress in the caregiver that, when the spouse is the caregiver, frequently causes the caregiver to give out before the one who is being cared for.

Chronic stress has negative effects on immune function, digestive function, cognitive abilities and other physical functions of the body. It also increases relationship difficulties.

The person receiving care may, despite the health impairment, feel more cared for and loved because of the care he or she is receiving, which lowers the stress level.

There are ways to lower stress without having to change circumstances. I am pleased that I will be on Joni Aldrich’s radio show this Wednesday allowing me to share some techniques caregivers can use to ease their burden. Please join us if you can. If you’re not able to listen on Wednesday, there will be a replay. The details are noted below.

I’m having a guest appearance on CAREGIVING SOS with show host and authorJoni Aldrich on Wednesday, 12/17/2014, 2:00-2:50 p.m. EST www.W4WN.com(Women 4 Women Network) and www.W4CS.com (Cancer Support Network). No downloads or Apps needed to listen. As more illnesses require complex and long-term treatments, the caregiver is the referee, pharmacist, medical assistant, and moral support for the patient–all without any formal training or enough sleep! (If you miss it, catch the rebroadcast on the Sat. after the show at 4:00 p.m. EST on both networks.)

If you, or a friend or co-worker, are caring for a parent, spouse, or child please share this with them. In our society caregivers often downplay their stress level–at work so they won’t be perceived as having split priorities and at home so they won’t make the person they’re caring for feel guilty. Stress can kill. The techniques I’ll share during the show can help ease their burden

Jeanine Joy understands what helps humans thrive. She is the Founder o fHappiness 1st Institute, Co-Founder of Achieve Affinity, and a Member of the Board of Directors of AWES International and the AWES Foundation.

Her research into understanding what creates resilience, good physical, mental, and emotional health, and strong relationships yielded answers. Drawing from many scientific disciplines and philosophies including positive psychology, sociology, quantum physics, psychoneuroimmunology and other sciences as they relate to what cultivates human thriving, she developed practical steps that empower individuals and organizations to thrive more. Because her focus addresses the root cause of human thriving, the benefits of her techniques extend into every area of life—making even difficult situations easier.

Her focus is on building strengths that are known to protect individuals from undesired outcomes and helping them overcome existing problems. Her work emphasizes what could go right and helps individuals create more thriving in their own lives.

She is the author of two books, True Prevention—Optimum Health: Remember Galileo and Prevent Suicide: The Smart Way and she also contributed toPerspectives on Coping and Resilience.

Blogs, Building Resilience, Increasing Happiness, Radio Shows, Stress Relief

Employee Happiness is not Your Responsibility, But if You Are Smart It Will Be Your Goal

December 12, 2014

Unless you’re paying attention to the new research, it is likely you still see employee happiness as a personal problem and not really a business issue. The truth is, every goal you have will come faster and easier if you and your employees are happy.

I agree it is not an employer’s job to make employee’s happy. In fact, employers can’t make an employee happy. Happiness is an inside job. If an employee is chronically less than happy, it does not really matter how much an employer tries to make him or her happy, the beneficial results will be temporary at best. At worse, the attempts will be viewed in a negative light.

Employees all want to feel happier. The desire to feel better is universal and the reason we do the things we do. We go to work because being employed feels better than not having income. If we’re lucky, we may go to work because we love our job but even then, doing something you love feels better than not doing it. If we don’t do something we might want to do, maybe have a piece of chocolate cake, we don’t do it because we believe we will feel better not having it than the benefit from having it. But if we’re in a low mood we may opt for the cake because the desire to feel better now is more important than a goal we will be more equipped to handle when we feel better. If we perceive we would feel guilty if we did not visit our parents on Sunday, we will visit our parents on Sunday even when we would prefer to do something else. The personal benefit of not feeling guilty feels better than the pleasure from the preferred activity.

Employee mood affects the decisions they make. Research has shown that employees who are in good moods demonstrate better corporate citizenship than employees in low moods.

So, if you can’t make them happy, what can you do?

You can take advantage of the natural desire to feel better and give them skills they can use to better manage their emotions. Stress reducing, happiness increasing skills provide their own intrinsic motivation because the result of using them is feeling emotionally better.

The benefits of providing skills to increase employee happiness serve a great many corporate goals including increased engagement, increased cognitive ability (lower mood = lower cognitive ability), improved health (immune function is directly affected by low mood), turnover (many people do not realize they take themselves with them and leave seeking greener pastures when they are the reason for their own dissatisfaction), complications of pregnancy (long-term low mood is strongly linked to preterm birth and has adverse planning impacts on employers when employees have to take leave sooner than planned AND when the employee then has to deal with the often long-term health impacts on their baby from preterm birth), higher divorce (while not an employer issue—it usually has an adverse impact on focus and attendance), pregnancy outcomes from a depressed parent result in higher incidents of asthma, sleep and behavior problems, and depression in the child before age 16–all of which can adversely impact work performance, employees may turn to alcohol and drugs to self-medicate for persistent low moods, obesity and diabetes (low mood disrupts digestive function and increases risk of both), the cause of obesity has been modified in the medical field from calories in – calories out = BMI to include stress/mood as a variable that affects BMI, and finally employee relationships and interactions with one another are directly affected (and contagious to some degree) by mood.

From all perspectives, teaching employees skills that increase their resilience, emotional state, and emotional intelligence are beneficial to the employer.

Why skill-based techniques instead of just providing a wonderful environment like Zappos?

A nice environment contributes toward mood, it does not cause it. Someone whose focus is habitually negative will not become positive just because the environment is wonderful. If you’ve ever been on a cruise, you may have noticed that even with one’s every need not only taken care of but catered to, some people remained unhappy and even miserable. Both unhappiness and misery are habits of thought more than anything else. Researchers have found many people living subsistence conditions who were happy—happier than others who were living in luxury.

If you’ve not been on a cruise, read through the reviews on Cruise Critic. You’ll see that some people had a great time when others found all sorts of reasons to maintain their habitual low mood.

Skills that help employees change habits of thought that keep them in lower moods than they could be enjoying provide immediate positive feedback, which increases motivation to use them. Even a brief increase in mood can benefit employers. The increased mood expands the cognitive abilities, which could result in the employee solving a work related problem that had he’d been working on for months—in a matter of minutes. Insights, intuition, and epiphanies increase as mood increases.

Even though immediate rewards are possible, the long term rewards are even better. Using the skills provides immediate positive feedback in the form of improved mood so employees continue using them causing mood to continue improving over time, increasing the chronic emotional state. Like any skill, as expertise develops, the outcome continues to improve with practice.

Stress reducing and happiness increasing skills are superior to dose dependent stress reduction strategies. The reason the dose dependent strategies are dose dependent is they are treating symptoms, not the root cause. The skill based techniques taught by Happiness 1st Institute address the root of the problem, which cures the problem at the root.

 

Benefits, Blogs, Employee Happiness